Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday." Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Jesus Paddy,what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attracter..... The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil. Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?. Paddy replies, - I'll f***in' take her with me! Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".... Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th." Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station. Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two." Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "Yes - but it's for dry hair and I've just f***ing wet mine." Bet it made you smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have A Good Weekend.
"Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?. Paddy replies, - I'll f***in' take her with me!" HAHA
Paddy walks by Murphy's farm and sees a sign saying 'Boat for sale'. Paddy says to Murphy 'What you doing you idiot, you don't have a boat, you only have a tractor and a combine harvester'. Murphy says 'I know, and they're boat for sale' Paddy and Mick went to London last week to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube and Murphy came on the bus! Paddy and Mick are walking through the Vatican City when the pope walks up to them both and blesses them. However, after doing this he drops down dead. The cardinals rush over and say to them both 'Right lads, we're gonna have to keep this quiet till after the weekend so as not to upset the congregation on Sunday, so can you not say anything until we announce the news after the weekend?' Both agree to keep quiet. Anyway, whilst on the plane going home, Mick says 'You know what Paddy, if we put a bet on at the bookies for the pope to die over the weekend we could win a lot of money'. 'Right you are' says Paddy. So, both place their bets and on Monday morning the news of the pope's death is announced and Mick goes to collect his winnings. Anyway, he sees Paddy outside the bookies looking really upset. Mick says 'What's up Paddy mate?' 'i lost the bet' says Paddy. 'How did you lose the bet?' asks Mick. 'I put a double bet on the Archbishop of Canterbury' says Paddy
Irish SAS squad bungled there attempt to help the US navy seals... they ended up at Debenhams, hitting the- summer bed linen department..
Paddy goes to the Doctor's with hearing problems. 'Can you describe the symptoms?' asks the Doctor. Paddy says 'Yeah, Homer's a fat ****er and Marge has blue hair'
