Kevin Keegan - first class comedian!

I came across these, and simply had to share them with you. Some of them are absolutely hilarious! Had they been written by the likes of Jimmy Carr, one could have considered them works of comic genius.






‘It’s like a toaster, the ref’s shirt pocket. Every time there’s a tackle, up pops a yellow card.’

‘The ref was vertically 15 yards away.’

‘There are two schools of thought on the way the rest of this half is going to develop; everybody’s got their own opinion…’

‘Goalkeepers aren’t born today until they’re in their late twenties or thirties.’

‘The game has gone rather scrappy as both sides realise they could win this match or lose it.’

‘I don’t think there’s anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona.’

‘They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Heighway and he’s nothing like him, but I can see why – it’s because he’s a bit different’

‘You can’t do better than go away from home and get a draw…’

‘He can’t speak Turkey, but you can tell he’s delighted.’

‘There’ll be no siestas in Madrid tonight.’

‘…using his strength. And that is his strength, his strength.’

‘One of his strengths is not heading’

‘Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.’

‘I’m not disappointed – just disappointed.’

‘The tide is very much in our court now.’

‘Chile have three options – they could win or they could lose.’

‘That would have been a goal if it wasn’t saved.’

‘I came to Nantes two years ago and it’s much the same today, except that it’s totally different.’

‘A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm – and it nearly came off.’

‘The substitute is about to come on – he’s a player who was left out of the starting line-up today.’

‘I know what is around the corner – I just don’t know where the corner is. But the onus is on us to perform and we must control the bandwagon.’

‘Hungary is very similar to Bulgaria. I know they’re different countries…’

‘In some ways, cramp is worse than having a broken leg.’

‘The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.’

‘England have the best fans in the world and Scotland’s fans are second-to-none’

‘It’s understandable that people are keeping one eye on the pot and another up the chimney.’

‘I’d love to be a mole on the wall in the Liverpool dressing room at half-time.’

‘It could be far worse for me if it was easy for me.’

‘Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America.’

‘They’re the second best team in the world, and there’s no higher praise than that.’

‘You don’t get two chances at this level, or at any other level for that matter.’

‘You’re not just getting international football, you’re getting world football’

‘Luis Figo is totally different to David Beckham, and vice versa’

‘Football’s always easier when you’ve got the ball’

‘I want more from David Beckham. I want him to improve on perfection.’

‘The Germans only have one player under 22, and he’s 23′

‘I’ve had an interest in racing all my life, or longer really.’

‘We managed to wrong a few rights.’

‘We are three games without defeat is another way of looking at it. But if we are honest we have taken two points from nine’

‘He’ll also be very dangerous from set-pieces. That means he’ll be a threat from free-kicks and corners in the final third of the field.’

‘Danny Tiatto is not going to make a mistake on purpose’

‘I’ll never play at Wembley again, unless I play at Wembley again’

 

‘Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice.’




Pure fcuking genius!

 

‘Argentina won’t be at Euro 2000 because they’re from South America.’

No sh*t Einstein!

 

‘The ref was vertically 15 yards away.’ - pure comedy gold!

 

my personal fav

'The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they’re not careful.'

 

reminds me of david Colemans classic;he opened his legs and showed his class,when talking about a runner

 

'Arry is genuinely a lot funnier

"Even when they had Moore, Hurst and Peters, West Ham's average finish was about 17th. It just shows how crap the other 8 of us were"

"Dani is so good-looking I don't know whether to play him or f*ck him"

"By the look of him he [Ian Dowie] must have headed a lot of balls"

 

Ian Dowie went to judge a gurning competition, and won first prize!