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Discussion in 'Sunderland' started by Smug in Boots, Jan 19, 2015.
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Once upon a time there were two little skunks named "In" and "Out". They lived in a hollow tree with their mother. Sometimes In and Out played outside, but other times they played inside.
One day In was out and Out was in. The mother skunk asked Out to go out and bring In in. So Out went out and in a few minutes he came in with In.
"My my, Out," she said, "how did you find In so quickly?"
Out just smiled and said, "Instinct."
After retiring, I went to the Job Centre to apply for Social Security benefit. The lady behind the counter asked for my driver's licence to verify my age. Realising that I had left my wallet at home, I told her that I was very sorry, and I would have to go home and come back later.
She said "Unbutton your shirt."
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said "Silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed my benefit application !
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Job Centre.
She said, "You should have dropped your pants . . . . she might have given you disability benefit, too !"
His biography should be called from Tessa to Tosser.
Surely you mean this one!
this board is world renowned for having the patter merchants to come up with world beating gold when it comes to comedy well done 73
Had a message from a random guy earlier asking to meet me in the local woods to compare dicks.
The weirdo didn’t even turn up!!
A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.
He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all that he could.
When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?”
“The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark, then you put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”
After a pause, the instructor added,
“I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career”
I was at my local hospital yesterday and read the car park sign which warned "Thieves operate here?".
Personally I would feel much safer with a surgeon