what are you Favorite jokes!!! Q: How can you tell ET is a Southampton fan? A: Because he looks like one.
Sorry I have an aversion to people who excessively use exclamation marks. Besides, I'm in a bad mood, so I fail to see why I should share my usually sunny disposition with you.
I said to the wife, 'You've got to admit that's a bit weird love' 'What?' She replied, '... I'm not the first person to breastfeed an eight year old boy!' 'No.... But I bet you're the only one who lets him finger you at the same time.' ****************************************************************************************************** My 16 year old niece recently had her friends at my house for a sleepover, and I overheard one of them calling me a "dirty old perv." I was so shocked at the accusation that I nearly fell out of her wardrobe. ************************************************************************************************************* A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later. "Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says. "Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled. "No, you've got bowel cancer."
A guy goes for a job interview to become the new village blacksmith. They ask him if he's ever shoed a horse. He says, 'No. But I once told a donkey to **** off.' <irish accent>It's a </irish accent>
which Irish accent there are at least 32 , one for every county but then in each county you can have up to 10 variations giving on average 320 Irish accents not including half baked expats accents and plastic paddy accents so my calculations lead to 4 billion versions of the Irish accent. So squiggler which one is it ?
Sorry Hash. I thought it was clear from the context. <Frank Carson Irish accent>It's a </Frank Carson Irish accent>
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat', agreed to look after her neighbours male dog while the neighbours were on holiday. She had a large house and thought that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage...as so frequently happens when dogs mate. Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice. Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and put it down beside the dogs. I will then phone you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw." "Do you think that will work?" she asked. "It just worked for me," he replied.
