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Jokes to LIGHTEN the MOOD - As its the season of Cheer!

Discussion in 'Ipswich Town' started by johnnywarksmoustache, Dec 5, 2011.

  1. johnnywarksmoustache

    johnnywarksmoustache Well-Known Member

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    As this is the season to be jolly and we Townies don't have much to be cheery about I thought it would be a good idea to have a silly joke thread. As the Budgies are making us the butt of their jokes atm I have also made this a cross thread so that we can all join in the fun!

    I will start the ball rolling and I look forward to reading your best gags.

    How Lucky is Steve Bruce?
    He lost his job on the last day of November knowing that on the first day of December, all the department stores will be looking for a fat Twat with the experience of wearing Red & White!

    Christmas will soon be here and as usual I will be sitting at the table with a big bird that doesn't gobble any more!

    Anal Sex is a bit like being given a Norwich City scarf!
    You didn't really want it but your uncle gave it to you anyway!
     
    #1
  2. Rich44

    Rich44 Well-Known Member

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    What do you get if you cross a Vampire with a Snowman?








    Frostbite <laugh>
     
    #2
  3. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    My mate has got a dog that does a somersault every time Ipswich lose! I said, "what does it do when they win?" He said, "I don't know, I've only had him for two years!"

    <whistle>
     
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  4. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    Whats the differnce between a snowman and a snowwoman?

    Snowballs!!
     
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  5. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    What's the difference between a turnstile and Ipswich?

    A turnstile only lets them in one at a time
     
    #5
  6. tractor bhoy

    tractor bhoy Well-Known Member

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    two snowmen in a field
    one says to the other 'can you smell carrot?'
     
    #6
  7. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

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    Get my coat while you're getting yours!

    <laugh>
     
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  8. johnnywarksmoustache

    johnnywarksmoustache Well-Known Member

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    I bought my son an iPOD, myself an iPhone and my wife an iron last christmas.

    She wasn't impressed even after I explained that it can be integrated with iWASH, iCOOK and iCLEAN networks! This of course triggered the iNAG service which totally wiped out the iSHAG function!
     
    #8
  9. Resurgam

    Resurgam Top Analyst
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    What do you mean Dave? <whistle>
     
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  10. Rich44

    Rich44 Well-Known Member

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    Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams. The first one asks, "Oh lord, when will England win the world cup again?" God replies "At the next world cup" "But I will be dead by then", said the old man. The second fan asks "When will Spurs next win a European Cup?" "In ten years time", god replies. But I&#8217;ll be dead by then, said the old man The last man asks "When will Ipswich next win the Premier League?" God thinks and then says "I will be dead by then"
     
    #10

  11. HangingHog FC

    HangingHog FC Member

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    Good King Wencelas phoned Dominos for a pizza
    The sales girl asked him 'Do you want your usual ? Deep pan crisp and even '
     
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  12. Superman wears Grant Holt pyjamas in bed

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    good news, and just in time for christmas, wayne rooney's new computer game is heading for the shelves...

    ...its called pre-evolution soccer!

















    don't worry, i've already got my coat on <ok>
     
    #12
  13. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member
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    A Jamaican man walked into his local bar, and announced, my wife's
    just given birth to my first son, he weighed in at 20 pounds!
    The drinks are on me!!
    Congratulations! Were shouted from all around, and many
    exclamations of "Wow!" were heard.
    A woman fainted due to sympathy pains.
    Two weeks later, he returned to the bar, the barman said, How's that
    new baby and how much does it weigh now?
    The proud father answered, "15 pounds."
    The barman was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
    pounds at birth!! The proud father replied....................
    "Had him circumcised." man!
     
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  14. Dazz19

    Dazz19 Active Member

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    If a woman sleeps with 15 men in a year she's considered a slag.

    If a man does the same...he's probably gay
     
    #14
  15. KIO

    KIO Well-Known Member

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    Q. What's the difference between the 1p5wich Town team bus and a second hand dartboard ?

    A. The dartboard has all the pricks on the outside !

    (I'll defo get my coat !!!!!! )
     
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  16. Kenny Foggo on the Wing!!!

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    2 budgies on a perch, one says to the other "can you smell fish?"
     
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  17. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member
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    Grab your taco, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican.

    'So, whats your opinion on wind turbines then?' 'Big Fan?'
     
    #17
  18. johnnywarksmoustache

    johnnywarksmoustache Well-Known Member

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    I was sitting watching Match of The Day when the wife comes into the lounge and says "I'm feeling horny! Fancy a shag babe?" I said "After the football love." She said "Why not record it?" I said "Nice! You get the camcorder ready and I will come up after the footie finishes!"
     
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  19. Hairy Mary Quite Canary

    Hairy Mary Quite Canary Well-Known Member

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    :)
     
    #19
  20. tractor bhoy

    tractor bhoy Well-Known Member

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    :emoticon-0102-bigsm<laugh>
     
    #20

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