Off Topic Jokes thread

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A shifty-looking guy in a kilt walked into a London pub, ordered a pint & put down the plastic bag he was carrying.
The bartender asked, "What's that?"
The guy answered, "6 pounds of plastic explosives."
“Thank Christ for that!" said the barman, "I thought it might be bagpipes."
 
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The Husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an Erection with his Wife and she was getting frustrated.
The Doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals, then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the Wife.
He took Her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe.
Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
She did as instructed.
He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough..??
Finally he said,
"OK, good. You can get dressed now and I will go talk to your Husband."
The Doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the Husband,
"Well you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. Cos, I couldn't get an Erection either."
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