I'm not saying my missus is a tart,but even the label in her knickers says Next! I asked the missus to toss me off last night, she got her keyring out and started rubbing up and down my shaft, typical I thought, fobbing me off again Quasimodo is lying covered in blood at the bottom of the Notre Dame, he looks up to see Esmerelda looking down at him, he shouts to her " This is not what I meant when I said toss me off In memory of the late great Frank Carson, 'My brother has a very unusual job; he finds things before other people realize they've lost them' My wife called me last week and said 'Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentine's day; they're absolutely gorgeous!' I said 'That's probably why they've received flowers then.' New research suggests that men who are too nice on Valentine's day and buy their women too many gifts, makes the women suspect that they are cheating. So your instincts were right, you can't win My wife sent me out to buy something that would make her look sexy. I don't think she was too impressed when I came home with two crates of beer. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his arse
