I was clearing out my late German Grandfather's closet and decided to give all his old clothes to the local charity shop. I handed over the bag of clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it when a horrified expression formed on her face. "How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop" she exclaimed angrily. "This is a symbol of pain, shame and humiliation." Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the bag. "I'm truly sorry" I said. "I had no idea he was an Arsenal fan."
Good one KH. ***non football related but I quite liked this one when I stumbled across it*** "I think I must be allergic to rohypnol, everytime I take it my arse hurts the morning after!"
Knicked from David O'Doherty... Who are the most decent people in the hospital? The ultra sound people..
I was in a pub in Camden once when I noticed that one of the patrons was wearing a full SS officer's uniform, complete with swastika armband. I'd love to know how he managed to get to the place.
2 Priests decide to have a go at a bucking bronco. First one is useless and doesn't last 5 seconds. He picks himself up off the floor and spends the next 3 minutes open mouthed, as the second one rides the thing flat out till it times out. "How on earth did you learn how to do that? I had no idea you did rodeo." "I didn't, one of my choirboys was an epileptic".
Little girl goes running to her dad shouting "I need some cider, quick!" Dad says "What!...cider? what for? Girl says "I've got a thorn in my finger" Dad says " Why cider?? Girl says " Well I overheard mummy the other day, she said whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she feels much better when its in cider"!
I took my new girlfriend home to meet my parents. We had a lovely evening and, after she'd gone, my dad leaned over and said, "Son, I think this one's a keeper." "Awww dad, what makes you say that?" "She smells of elephant ****."
