While we've got a few non-footy threads during the boring summer....we'll have a joke of the day. Arrived home from work and my girlfriend started punching and kicking me. "How could you?!" she screamed. "How ****ing could you?! You've ****ed my sister you bastard!" "I'm sorry," I confessed. "I got to work and she was lying there...naked. I'm only human. What was I supposed to do?" "The ****ing autopsy," she cried.
I voted for Greece to win the eurovision song contest, Not because i thought they we're good. I just wanted to see their prime ministers face when they realise how much the arena costs for next year.
Phew! After I done it i thought some people might not like it but 4 comments in n no complaints...happy days
'Mexico are no good at the olympics, because anyone good at swimming, running or jumping has already made it across the border' - Jeremy Clarkson
SOUTHERN DAILY ECHO (AP) - A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Southampton Football Club whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.
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Paddy takes his Goldfish to the vets and claims it has epilepsy. The Vet says it looks fine to me. Paddy says you have not seen it out of the bowl yet
Oops I'm not even sure how to check that I don't think! EDIT: Misread that completely! See what you mean now, apologies
A guy is watching TV and his wife walks in from the kitchen and says 'take me now'! The guy didn't need asking twice and did as she asked. As soon as they had finished she got straight up and went back into the kitchen. He followed her into the kitchen and when seeing her stood at the cooker he asked what the hell she was doing. She calmly turned around and told him the egg timer was broken!
