Welshman, Scotsman and a Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to walk their way past the gate . Security was very tight however and each of their attemps was met with a stern refusal . Whilst wandering around the outside of the stadium the Welshman found a scaffolding tube and walked up to the gate saying "Thomas ,the pole vaulting" and was admitted. The Scotsman went looking and came upon a sledge hammer ,with this he presented himself at the gate and said "McTavish the Hammer" He also was admitted. The Irishman went looking for ages and was just about to give up and then saw a roll of barbed wire ,he presented himself at the gate and announced "O`Sullavan ,fencing" .....................;O)
PROUD TO BE WELSH At the National Art Gallery in Cardiff , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink one. The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of black men in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society." After the curator left, a Welshman, approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the Gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the boyo who painted it!" he replied. "In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They're just three Welsh miners. Him in the middle went home for lunch."
lol Jh siam, i'd be careful if i were you, the PC brigade on the swansea forum will report you for mentioning the phrase 'black men'
Anytime you have a 50/50 chance of getting something right,theres a 90% chance you will you will get it wrong .
My mate took six months planning his wedding for today and he has only one regret ............. He wont see her face when she recives the April fools text .........;o)
'I'm being fraped!' My girlfriend put on her Facebook status. 37 likes! I think myself very lucky she accidently pressed that f.
Hickory Dickory dock ,dis chick was sucking me c**k,da clock struck two ,i dumped me goo ,& dropper her at the end of the block . Wynd st typical night ,lol
I just saw a competition on the news to win £1000 worth of petrol...I do appreciate the effort but 5 litres hardly seems prize worthy.
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice.
Owen Coyle: "How you doing lad?" Fabrice Muamba: "Good, thanks gaffer. What's been happening since I've been out?" Owen Coyle: "Nothing much, oh Fernando Torres scored two for Chelsea" Fabrice Muamba: "****ing hell! How long was I out?"
Fella goes up to a girl in a pub and says "You want to play Magic?",...Whats that she askes ,He says ,"We go back to my place and sh+g then you disappear.......................;o)
As the striker ran towards me with the ball at his feet, I quickly took of my goalie gloves, pulled down my shorts and started playing with my cock. It seems I totally misunderstood my manager when he shouted at me "Make yourself big".
They should called the roofs on convertible cars "Foreskins". Because when you pull the roof back, it exposes the bellend underneath.
I texted my boss "Whats the difference between this morning, and your daughter?". My boss replied "I don't know". I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning".
In the same spirit as ^^ When I get home, I am going to rip my wife's knickers off......they are killing me!
