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JACK-ANORY FOR A FUNNY STORY - Joke Thread & Comedy Club

Discussion in 'Swansea City' started by swimaway, Jun 18, 2011.

  1. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    So a teacher asked her class: "What do you want out of life?"
    A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said: "All I want out of life is four little animals!"
    The teacher asked: "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?"
    The little girl said: "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."
     
    #13143
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Three young women are at a cocktail party when the conversation turns to their husbands.
    The first woman, smiling smugly, says "My husband is taking me on a romantic break to the French Riviera for two weeks."
    The second boasts "Well my husband just bought me a brand new Porsche."
    The third shrugs and says "Well to be perfectly honest with you ladies, we don't have much money or many material possessions, but one thing that I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."
    After this the first woman looks ashamed. "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was only trying to impress you. You know that holiday that I was telling you about? Well it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents' house for two weeks."
    The second one says, "Oh ladies, I'm just as bad. It's not a Porsche that he bought me, but an old, battered Skoda."
    "Well I also have a confession to make," said the third.
    "Canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg."
     
    #13146
  7. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  8. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The Pope is having some work done in the vatican. As he is passing one of the carpenters hits his thumb with a hammer
    "Fecking Hell!" he cries.
    The Pope is horrified and tells the carpenter "My son, this is the house of God, such profanities are not appropriate here. If you have hurt yourself in some way you should offer your prayer to our lord Jesus and he will give you relief from your suffering"
    Next day as the Pope is passing the same carpenter chops off his fingers with a saw. "Oh my God! Sweet Jesus please help me now!" says the carpenter.
    With that the fingers levitate themselves and re-attach themselves to the poor carpenter's hand, all the blood disappears and the carpenter wiggles his fingers,
    "Fecking Hell" says the Pope.
     
    #13149
  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    On thier wedding night Paddy sat down with his new wife Mary and said ""we will have a lovely happy life if you never look in the bottom drawer in the chest of drawers in the bedroom"" Mary agreed.
    So after 50 years of Happy married life Mary decided to have a look in the drawer.
    She found 3 golf balls and £200.
    She confronted Paddy about the find.
    Paddy said ""every time I was unfaithful in our marriage I put a golf ball in the drawer""
    Mary was shocked but thought 3 balls, 3 times in 50 years is not so bad..
    She asked Paddy ""what about the £200?""
    Ah said Paddy "" every time I collected 10 balls I sold them for a £5.
     
    #13150

  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Irish Fishing
    It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.
    An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.
    A curious visiting gentleman asked what he was doing.
    “Fishing”, replied the old man.
    Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen.
    So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub.
    Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked
    “And, how many have you caught today?”
    “You're the eighth.”
     
    #13151
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I want to give a big shout out to the lady next door who loaned me a big cover to stop my stuff getting wet.

    Ta Pauline.
     
    #13152
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  14. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  16. Wooperts_duck

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  17. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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  18. duggie2000

    duggie2000 Well-Known Member

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  19. swantastic

    swantastic Well-Known Member

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  20. Taffvalerowdy

    Taffvalerowdy Well-Known Member

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