You steel yourself as tap your spoon against your glass of champagne and stand up. It’s the end of season meeting and the setting is a grand hall. The Premier League – clad in an expensive tuxedo - sits at the top of the large oak table. His seven favourites clustered nearby. “I want to say a toast now.” You say. “I was excited for my return to the top table. But I’m glad to be leaving.” Your voice carries across the cavernous room. “They told me this was the greatest league in the world. But it’s full of vast inequality with the cards stacked against …” “Enough!” The Premier League shouts, slamming Its hands on the table. “The cheek of you, you insolent pauper! I remember you back in 1992. You and over half the people here, begging me to make you all richer.” “Tell that to Wimbledon! Tell that to Oldham!” You shout back. “They voted for wealth and look at them now.” “They lacked ambition!” The Premier League retorts, leaning forwards over the table jabbing a finger at you. “You and your two mates down there lacked ambition! You lacked quality! You lacked …” “Finance.” You snap, standing up. You ignore Leicester’s attempt to pull on your sleeve. “This league is essentially a closed shop. What happens when the next three come up only to go straight back down. What do you tell your valued customers then?” “Maybe We should make it a closed shop.” The Premier League shouts. Everyone looks nervous at that. Chelsea shakes her head, muttering ‘not again’. The Premier League notices this reaction and pauses. For the first time this year, you think It looks nervous. Young Southampton stands up and points at the Premier League. “You, old man, are boring.” He says in his high-pitched voice. “You’re too predictable. Most young people don’t even watch you anymore.” “The three of you get out!” The Premier League screams. “You hate Us now but just wait. August will roll around and you’ll be clamouring to return to Us. You’ll be desperate to return to the Greatest League in the World!” It seems to have tired Itself out, as It slumps back down in Its chair. Man City cooing over It. The three of you stand up and walk out the room, smiling and laughing. The Championship, strangely, is waiting outside. You notice what looks like red sauce on the corner of his mouth. “You missed a spot.” You say light-heartedly, pointing. The Championship looks horrified for a moment, wiping rigorously. “You all look quite happy. Pleased to be returning?” The Championship asks. He flashes his shark-like grin, as he turns with the three of you and leads you out the hall. 2-1 West Ham win.
And to help with your final day predictions, here's the latest league table: Stretchy needs to go for a different result to me and get the score spot on to take top spot. Evesham and Big Al will have to be a bit different from each other to avoid sharing bronze.
Excellent again Nuggets We were at home against a UTD the last game of the season last time we were relegated. We won that game so I will go with a home win. 2-1
Delap puts on a masterful final display as we all bid him farewell. A strong home win at last. PR goes bonkers and players and fans get that all important morale boosting win. 3-1
I've got it wrong more times than not so I am going for a 1-2 win to West Ham in the hope you sign off with a win for your fans.
For the clarity of the predictions table, are you predicting a 2-1 West Ham win or a 2-1 Ipswich win? Sounds like a West Ham win prediction and then you ended with a nice message
Thanks Nuggets, appreciate you leaving the door open for me... Now, head or heart. Heart says we close the season with an entertaining 3-2 win, but head says that these are two poor teams who don't score many, so 1-1 would be the obvious predictions....but, I don't do the obvious, so I'm going to change and go for a boring 1-0 win for us.
I'll spare us all story time next season and give others the chance to start a matchday thread maybe I'll do the odd one here and there (particularly if we're doing really well or really badly).
We are awful at home. 3-1 West Ham. Goodbye and good riddance to the Premier League. The officiating and financials are wrecking it. It feels like we are coming to the end of an era with Goodison closing, Manchester United taking its last breaths as an elite club for a while and Match Of The Day being overhauled and it’s been good to be a part of some of those stories. The cup completions have been the compelling watch of this season. It’s a shame that replays were scrapped but for now they retain their sense of drama. Thank goodness for those. I’m less than optimistic of our chances of grabbing the requisite 100-odd points that will likely be required for automatic promotion but I am looking forward to the broken record of inadequate defending and home defeat after home defeat coming off the turntable and a new one - whatever that will be - placed upon it.
Certainly does. Hopefully we’ll see some of the stronger talent like Burgess, Woolfy, Luongo, Szmodics and Delap second half.
