I saw one of those....

sexy Thai birds on the bus the other day, I thought to myself "don't get a hardon" "don't get a hardon" - But she did

 

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is that andy carroll??? lmao

 

I had a **** in the Dragon's Den last night..... or the kitchen, as my wife likes to call it

 

A Year 3 teacher explains to her class that she is a Leeds United fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Leeds fans too. Not really knowing what a Leeds fan was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. One girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Leeds United fan."

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

"Why I'm proud to be a Hull City fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the girl why she is a Hull City fan.

"Well, My Dad and Mum are Hull City fans, and I'm a Hull City fan too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a prostitute, and your dad was a drug dealer. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says the girl, "I'd be a Leeds United fan."

 

My lad came up to me last Saturday morning and said "Daddy, what's the difference between a pussy and a c**nt?"

Slightly taken aback I resolved to fulfill my fatherly duty and answer his question. I took him upstairs to the main bedroom where his mother was asleep and guided him to the bedside. Lifting the bed sheet in front of him I pointed to the genital area of my wife's naked body and said "That, son, is a pussy". The lad stood there for a second before reaching out to further examine the source of his wonderment. I immediately pulled him back saying "Ssssssshhhhhhhh son, you'll wake the C**nt!"

Here endeth the lesson!

 

Ultimate phone prank:

1. Call the ChildLine number and say 'I've just dialed 1471 and this number came up, who is this?'

2. Operator replies 'you're through to ChildLine.'

3. You shout 'TERRY YOU LITTLE ****, NOT AGAIN....COME HERE YOU LITTLE BASTARD''. Before hanging up the phone.

 

Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

 

class

 

yes must agree. that is a class joke. one of my work mates is a Leeds fan so i shall pass this little ditty on to him.


""i spent an hour at the wifes grave this morning. Bless her, she thinks i'm digging her a fish pond.