My mam is terminal, kidney, lung, thyroid, adrenal gland, back, lymph nodes, we’ve only just lost @grandpops my sister is critically Ill also, why is life so ****ty? I don’t know what to say to my kids
Ah **** mate, i feel your pain. It's a bloody horrible situation, been there myself. I don't think there is an easy way to tell kids this kind of stuff. Its easy to say be honest with them, but I wasn't 100% truthful with mine. I suppose it can depend on their ages, but I kind of broke the severity of it to mine in installments over a few days rather than straight out in one go. Thoughts are with you mate, it's bloody hard, so don't be afraid to ask for help....even if its just to have a rant on here. Stay strong, and take care.
That’s really rotten mate. As Snaggey says, stay strong. I’m sure the thoughts of everyone on here are with you.
So sorry mate. I've experienced loss but not like this. Kids are probably more resilient than we think. Stay well mate. Thinking of you all.
Be gentle, be kind, but most of all be honest. In the short term it may hurt more than you want it to, but it will help them process the detail and have less severe impact long term. Thoughts are with you mate, stay strong for yourself and the children.
I really feel for you mate, when my mam had cancer and we were told it was terminal I didn't have any children to tell. When my mother-in-law went she passed over a week but my son was only about 18 months and we live far enough away that he was used to long separations. When my father-in-law went my son was 7 but dad had dementure and son hadn't visited for over a year as dad had become deaf-blind and was unaware of his surroundings. I guess how you break the news depends on how old / mature the children are. The best advice I can give is be honest and straightforward. Your children are going to have questions about death and an afterlife that you need to be honest about. If you believe then say you do, if you are unsure then you can say that you are unsure but that you hope there is. I wouldn't go closing doors in their face if you don't believe then say you don't know what happens after, but you can say that their gran will always be with them in their hearts and minds and that nobody truly dies whilst there are people that love and remember them. Try to take as much video and photos with them and other family with your mam, it can help ease their grief afterwards. From my wife's experience when she was very young when her grandfather died, let the children go to the funeral or else their is no real ending for them and they can get stuck and not be able to start to let go. The cancer support charities have some helpful stuff online and you could always ring them for advice - they will offer you support too. https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/diagnosed/talking-children/children
sorry to hear the news man. as others have said, be honest...sugar coating some situations never works well.
So sorry to hear that. Personally I’d just make them aware that your mam and sister are really poorly without going into too much detail and make sure they have the opportunity to create a few memories while they can.
Oh how awful. It’s a sad life a lot of the time. Dealing with the kids is tough, obviously it depends on their personalities and their age. When my mother-in-law died my then 8 year old daughter was really hit hard. Even though she didn’t see a lot of her as we live in the USA, she loved her very much. She became very clingy and didn’t want to leave my side. When I sat her down and talked to her I found out she was terrified that me and her dad were going to die. We didn’t tell her much about her grandma’s illness beforehand and even though we had visited her about a month before her death and she could see that her health had deteriorated it still came as quite a shock to her. I thought she was too young to be given too much information. In hindsight I wished I’d talked about it more and given her time to accept and question what was going to happen. My then 5 year old son was sad but it really didn’t affect him too much. Sending you and your family strength and support.
Strength mate. I’d echo much of the advice offered here but obviously a lot depends on the relevant ages of the children involved.
Very sad for you and all your family. Thinking of you at this difficult time. I've read all the replies and all of them have sound advice so a bit of all of them. Don't forget about yourself in all of this it's your mam and I'm sure it will affect you also. Try and remain strong but don't forget to greive yourself. Lots of people on here will support you through this difficult time. Best wishes at this difficult time to you all.
Don’t know what to say mate, 2 of my best mates wives have just passed away and it’s bloody awful, but most kids are pretty resilient mate. My kids seem to handle it ok with living on a farm all their life, I would just say listen to what people say on here and take your time.
Horrible news mate. There's not much advice I can give you, other than to look after yourself and don't bottle it up to be strong for everyone else without looking after yourself. I've been there myself a couple of times and it wasn't good. It all depends on how you feel and how the kids will feel. Letting them know gently that both your mam and sister are very poorly would be a start and then take it gently from there. And if you can get support from somewhere like Marie Curie as @Draig suggested, definitely take it. Look after yourself mate and keep in kind you've got our support on here, so if you need anything don't be afraid to ask, we'll do our best to help you.
Bloody hell mate, that is so bad . No easy words to offer, how can there be? But all you can do is cherish your mam while she's still with you, remember all the good bits about her, and have your kids do the same. Hopefully your sister makes it, but God bless man at a hideous time, and try and remember that you'll come out the other side.
Thank you all for your kind words, my eldest 14 said ok, my youngest 13 said so that makes her very Poorly then, just have to take it from there
You don't need to worry about the kids mate they will probably take it in you stride. The main person you need to support is yourself. My dad was taken in to hospital at the beginning of December, we were told he had lung cancer and he died with in 14 days. I have 3 sisters and tried to be the alpha male taking on everything, trying to protect them like my dad would have done, what I didn't do was think about myself. You are dealing with things even worse than I did but what you have to remember is this is your mother and sister and its probably hitting you harder than anyone. Stay strong but don't try to deal with everything by yourself mate, if you need to release anything at any time I'm here. It may at times be easier just typing things on your phone to get them out your head rather than speaking to people face to face. Stay strong mate
