House Parties

Parties that lead onto house parties are always dangerous affairs.

Aged 22, if you're not shagging at these things by the end of the night you're a ****ing queer. I was an outsider to this party, I considered that to be my ticket to roam free.

However after Saturday night you can chop my balls off and call me Nigel.

5am. The lassie who held the wonderful event had me pinned to her bed, mirrors adjacent, things were proceeding nicely. I knew an hour or so of hard work lay ahead, firing your load while burst is a task. Little did I know, that was the least of my worries.

BANG. No, I hadn't ruptured her ring piece. It was the front door. Footsteps up the stairs sounded and an old male voice sounded - ''Are you in your room?'' - my ring piece ruptured. Turns out it was her old man, who wasn't supposed to be due home.

If anyone is wondering what Channel 4's documentary tonight is about - ''The man with the 10 stone testicles'' - it's just a video of me walking home on Sunday morning.

<failmuir>

 

****ebag.

Any normal fifer would've shagged her and her da.

 

Lived with her dad, eh?

<yewtree>

 

Didn't have it in me, that would've been 2 hours work.

She said she was 20, I think, or I might've just guessed that.

She was an absolute wee cracker too, I think, or I might've just guess that too.

She started texting me last night.

<MuirDaft>

 

Get in there and finish what you started

 

I was caught in the act before by my ex girlfriends Da.

We were going at it like **** and he arrived home from the bar early.

Came into the room to ask if I wanted to have a beer with him whilst I was doing his princess doggy style.

Never felt so scundered, but went and had a smoke and a beer with him and he apologised ha.

 

I would`ve porked her and the only trace would be the crusty stain after wiping my cock n balls on the living room curtains on the way out

 

Another ****e article by the resident gimp

Don't you have a virtual pub to open?

 

I would ask for pics, but we know what happened last time Muir promised us pics.

Disappeared for 3 yrs

 

Aye.

It's a must, especially in that bed. Love a mirror shag

 

Not ****ing long enough imo.

 

As a matter of interest who's bedroom were you in?

 

I'd post pics, but I'm not that sorta guy?

 

Get her facebook up.

 

Hers

 

oh, this one's a bit bitter eh?

 

Aye.

It's because her 15 year old daughter was shagged by a teacher.

 

Aye and shes raging it wasnae her.

 

Not been to a proper house party since I was about 17. Last one I ended up getting locked in the bedroom with the munter who was holding the party. Proved to me that even after at least 20 pints, some burds are still unattractive.

 

Sounds rapey.