Homer: How about we.. *whispers* Marge with Amnesia: Mr. Simpson! I am not going to make love to you! Homer: Okay, then how about.. *whispers* Marge: You just described how to make a microwave burrito. Homer: You used to LOVE my non-sequiturs! *runs off crying* * Homer: We're big shot tourists from everyone's favourite country, the USA. We saved your ass in Vietnam and shared our prostitutes with Hugh Grant, so give me some free maps and none of that dry British wit. * Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart? Homer: New glasses? Marge: No...He looks like something might be disturbing him. Homer: Probably misses his old glasses. Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him. Homer: Yeah. And then we'd get the chair. Marge: That's not what I meant. Homer: It was, Marge, admit it. * Homer: Marge, where's that metal dealie....you use to......dig.....food. Marge: You mean a spoon? Homer: YEA YEA YEA. * Homer to Bart: WHO IS FONZY!?! Don't they teach you anything at school? * Bart: I need this candy for school, candy class. Homer: Ok, but get 5 bags in case we eat 4 on the way home. * Homer: Stealing.. how could you. Haven't you learnt anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's his name? * Homer (after driving into the queen):* Milord, we Americans love queens, be they homecoming or dairy. This woman, however, is an imposter! Her luggage is inscribed H.R.H. which means her real name must be Henrietta R. Hippo * Homer: Well Marge, you gotta admit, I've been on my best behaviour this trip. Marge: You punched out three people on the street. Homer: That was over soccer results. Can you believe they gave Giggs a yellowcard in the box? Marge: Do you understand any part of what you just said? Homer: I understood the word 'gave'... unless it means something else in this country! * Homer: Well Marge, if I die in here there's one thing I want you to remember. Don't buy any videotapes in England. They won't work with our VCR! * Homer: I've been jailed on six continents. All I have to do is kill a penguin. * Bart: Let's just get out of here before he does his bad impression of Mom.. Homer: (As Marge) Ooooh! I'm Marge Simpson! Don't eat off the floor! Homer: I don't remember that. Marge: You were drunk! It was terrible! Homer: Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it. * Homer: You couldn't fool me on the foolingest day of the year with an electrified fooling machine. * Homer: Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. * Homer: It's true I'm a rageoholic. I'm addicted to rageohol. * Homer: You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? * Homer: Can we go home? All this fresh air is making my hair move and I don't know how long I can complain. * Homer: Yes, honey, just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle. * Lisa:But if he just wastes away in a tavern, h- Homer: She said 'tavern'! I'm going to Moe's! Marge: We never agreed to that rule!
Operator! Give me the number for 911! Oh, so they have internet on computers now! I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman. Well, it's 1 a.m. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids. Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get. [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. 'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?