Wales international and Leeds legend dies aged 42. Although unconnected with our club, I'm opening this thread for messages of condolence as other clubs have also done. Please feel free to add your messages. RIP
I couldn't understand your thread title Mrs LaLa when I started browsing down the threads.......just looking what had happened since lunch. I hadn't heard the terribly sad news.........and it was hard to understand when the news article said he had possibly taken his own life. I had been only yesterday been watching him on "Football Focus" and he seemed so relaxed and content and pleased how his Wales job was developing with some good results recently. So hard to understand why, married with a family.........I assumed it was an accident,a car crash or something similiar that had taken his life,not by his own hand. Very hard to grasp that such a successful sportsman is no longer with us.......my heart goes out to his family and his friends at such a painful and shocking time for them, and my sympathy and prayers are for them at such a time.
That's such a shame on both him and his family. Such a great professional and successful to end like that. I hadn't heard this news either till I came on here and like plymborn didn't quite get it at first. Tragic.
Plym, not wishing to speculate (though no doubt the newspapers will) but the USUAL scenario in these cases is that it often follows a revelation by a spouse. You say he seemed happy and relaxed yesterday so what triggered such an event, he must surely have been tortured about something. Whatever the reason it is very sad.
Mrs LaLa...............A lot of the comments by friends in football etc...............mention his wife and his lovely boys...............he was always a well disciplined man in his sport and in his private life. Although he was by himself with no talk of family at his home when the discovery was made............such a shock.
My thoughts are with your family and friends .... you must have been in a very dark place to have done that .... may you now find the peace that you obviously couldn't find in life !
Depression is a strange beast and not always obvious to people even close. I went through a bout around 10 years ago and speak from bitter experience. Nobody knew how I was feeling either at work or at home as I forced myself to go to work and said nothing when I got home. Lots of things going on work wise and in private life and I just guess it crept up on me. I started having pannick attacks but not in company and still said nothing until one evening at home things came to a head and I cracked up. People at work were shocked when I didn't turn up for work and then found out why. My GP had 40 fits when he checked me over and my pulse rate for example was twice what it should have been sitting down. Blood pressure through the roof and so on. My wife made me go and I was eternally grateful for both her making me and her support in the end. What shocked people was that I was my usual forceful self job wise and always ready with a wise crack. They simply never guessed. I can only imagine that there was something wrong with him which he too disguised well. Problem being he did what he did and I got help with it. The signs just are not visible and loads of people will be feeling guilty now thinking they should have known and seen it. They shouldn't because there is no way unless he told that anyone could know. It took me several years to come to terms with it and stop brooding and thinking too much about things and that's with people close to me work and home knowing and helping. Without sounding too Fruedian the mind is a right bastard when it stops working properly or works too much. I feel so sorry for both him and his family who now have to live with this outcome.
How do you not know he just suffered severe depression & did not want anybody to know because the media make up a load of tripe in the newspapers. Maybe he just wanted to keep his private life away from the media etc. Depending how bad the depression was it can be fatal. Anybody who never suffers depression can never understand why he took his own life. Only because he took his own life it does not mean he was not getting any treatment for it. The mind is a funny thing & it may just be he sadly gave up the fight to carry on fighting it in which some sufferers do. Very sad day for football & will be sadly missed by many football fans.
That's terrible, I guess I'm lucky not to have experienced any of that - at least not yet though I've been through some pretty tough times. I had a panic attack once when going through my divorce, I was in the soliciter's office and started panicking - couldn't even remember the reason I was there, very embarrassing. The nearest I've come to being depressed was after my 1st was born, I thought the way I was feeling would last forever, in fact it only lasted a few weeks. I had thoughts I never want to have again. The mind is a complex thing and as you say sensible difficult for others to fathom - even doctors.
Depression, is a terrible thing, it is something sufferers may hide, although this does not mean they do not want people closest to them to know, it is something those closest to them fail to recognise and probably in all fairness are unable to recognise. People that suffer from the darker depths of depression have more recognisable symptoms, I used to know someone that suffered from the much deeper causes of depression. However, certainly this time of year with shorter day light hours, colder months, with the run up to Christmas, what some may seem as a minor problem can appear tenfold to a sufferer, dependent on their emotional well being. Just because someone seems ok and says their ok, does not mean they are. Sorry, just a personal view and nothing more and certainly in no way a suggested reference.
I'm fine now but believe me I got to some very low places where I couldn't even go out of the house once I'd admited there was a problem. I found you go down before you start to rise again but the answer is not to think of it as weakness and admit you can't function fully. If you can do that then it doesn't fester in the back of your head day in day out. It is hard to explain to somebody who has never experienced it. And of course it isn't macho to admit a frailty especially in the testosterone world Gary Speed lived in. I would guess he could not cope with it any longer but also could not admit he was in trouble with the easy option for him doing what he did.
This is why mind have been making adverts to get it across to the general public that stress can happen to anybody in any walk of life. I do think that the media can blow it out of context when something extreme does happen. I do think as a country we are not understanding of some peoples problems such as Mental Health which is why mind are trying to push people to be aware of this on national tv with time to change.
People don't talk about it which is the first mistake. I don't feel less of a man because I sufferred something I could not control and it is why I can admit to having had a problem with no shame now. Before however was a different thing altogether and I think the public at large would be shocked at how many have problems of a bigger or lesser degree and sometimes who they are. People only know me on here for what I post and not in any personal way. If they had been one of my work colleagues I doubt they would have seen it coming either and if I had been asked a while before myself I would have been one of the last people I would have thought of as a candidate. It's a bit like being an alcoholic in that you have to admit to a problem yourself before you can address it.
I think in todays society you are judged for who you are & what you have. Sad but true. If everyone was acceptable about everyones problems then maybe alot would not feel ashamed to admit to suffering depression etc. The media don't help looking at individuals who have murdered & they say he or she had a mental health problem it is this type of arrogance what gives mental health a bad outlook in todays society as a whole. However if you are Stephen Fry you can get away with it as people still judge him for his tv role & not bipolar disorder.
Agreed Sensible, depression is a hidden 'killer' When I had my operation on my spine and it did not work, I had to close down my business, £70K plus in debt, and registered disabled. All I could see was a black hole - no escape, no future absolutely nothing. Luckily a loving wife, family and a great doctor, helped me. This was in 2009 and even no, I take a daily anti-depressant pill!! It is such a shame that Gary Speed could not confide in anybody. Not enough is done about Mental Health in this country and yes it is still a stigma RIP
Couldn't believe it when I heard yesterday. Seemed really happy on Football Focus on Saturday, relaxed and laughing, but you never know what's going on in private. I have heard rumours that a newspaper was about to out him as being gay. Like I said, it's rumour so it could be wrong. Always thought he was the model professional footballer and Wales were looking pretty impressive lately. Will be sadly missed.
newspapers again!!! IF and it's a massive "IF" it is true he was gay is it really worth taking your life for?? It's no big thing to be gay these days - maybe if it were the 1940's/50's but now? So bloody what!
