Gareth Bale has been confirmed as on his way to Leeds United according to inside information. Bale (23 years old) will sign for Barcelona next week where he will spend three good years. Following that spell Bale will be sold to Arsenal (doing a Campbell) where he will rupture knee ligaments in his first season, play just 9 games in his four seasons there, and at the end of his contract the 30-year old will move on a free to Stoke City where he will continue to battle injury for the next three seasons before moving to Leeds United as part of the Ken Bates revolution. Bates, Chairman/Manager uses the Bale signing as part of his marketing strategy to big up his plans to get Leeds out of League Two and back to the Prem in just fifteen seasons. Blaming fan protests and average home gates of just 3000 per season for his lack of investment in the squad to date, Bates states that the capture of Bale as well as the switch to red home shirts will help to reinvigorate his ailing club and help to win promotion to League One. Bates also announces the free signings of Howson, Gradel, White, Lees, Somma, Snodgrass and McCormack as his "Prodigal Sons" strategy. Added to this is the appointment of Paul Rachubka as goalkeeping coach to round off the Bayes Masterplan. In other news the Elland Road casino closes as the proud old stadium is finally demolished to help pay for the failed hotel complex. Bates says he is happy with the facilities at The Nest, new home of The Red Stuff as they ground share with Farsley Celtic. Harry Redknapp is finally appointed England manager, and he hits a snag as he puts in a £39m bid for Barcelona's Spanish right-back Romando only to be told he can't buy players for the England team. Redknapp's team proceed to lose their first five games (3-0 to Lithuanua, 7-1 to Scotland, 9-2 to Wales, 1-0 to Germany and 37-0 to Argentina) before Melty Face resigns blaming lack of support from the FA in the transfer market. Swindon Town, on the back of massive financial support from the Sheik of Ibijibee win the Prem in their first season back fielding the entire Brazilian team, whilst Millwall are relegated to the Hackney Marshes Reserve Division after a stirring relegation battle where they lose on penalties to Kenny Jackett's Dockers Corinthians.
