We must have all heard a few good ones in our days on the terraces. However I'll kick off with one on the sofa. I was sat down with a couple of mates watching the opening game of Euro 96, England v Switzerland. As part of the last minute build up, the camera panned onto the Swiss fans jumping about and waving flags while the commentator made some inane comment about the Swiss in good voice, when a growling voice from one of the armchairs spoke up, " Huh, I thought they'd all be neutral!" Anyone else got something to liven up a dull friday evening?
George Best and Cloughie always had good ones (granted both before my time but still) "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered" and "If I had to choose between dribbling past 5 players and scoring from 40 yards at Anfield or shagging Miss World, it'd be a hard choice. Thankfully, I've done both" And then Cloughie "Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particular job"
Or Tommy Docherty's observation which could be of some relevance to Charlton- "The chairman told me he was right behind me. I said I'd rather he was in front where I could see him" or Brian Moore:"That pass was a bit too long for Boniek" (being kind) Ron Atkinson:"The game's too long for Boniek"
A Charlton related one from around 1990, when we were in the old Division One (Premier League these days). After four years of miraculous relegation survivals against the odds, Lennie Lawrence had been christened "Houdini' by the national press. It was towards the end of the season and we were in big relegation trouble. We had a mid week " home" fixture at Selhurst v Wimbledon which we had to win to have any chance. I sat behind the dug outs in those days. Wimbledon quickly went 3-0 up, condemning us to certain relegation. When their third went in, an irate Charlton fan went up behind Lawrence in the dug out, threw his ticket at him, and shouted " get out of this, Houdini" I think Lennie went to Boro soon after .
In Holland we have the famous Sjaak Polak, one funny man with some great oneliners. Some of his best (a free translation): I don't use the elbows, nor I'm the one for horrortackles.. but at times, I have proven to be unpredictable. You just have to put on your helmet, and start the motor, that's the only thing you can do against the lads (when he was playing a fast winger) He was playing bingo, I'm so happy the two are still in the basket (after Lurling used his hands a bit too much)
Back in the days before segregation I remember a Kilmarnock Vs Celtic match when one of the Celtic fans, a bit the worse for wear, shouted, "C'm oan Celtic, Kick them a' oan the prick!". This raised a good laugh among the surrounding fans, and the Celtic fan, obviously pleased at the success of his witticism, shouted it every so often for the rest of the match.
