Come across this gem sometime back and it made me laugh so I thought I'd share it with you guys. If you know of any other funny customer comments please post them here. 4,208 of 4,444 people found the following review helpful please log in to view this image Veet -- the Men's Hair Removal Gel Creme (from hell) . . ., 30 July 2012 By John W. Osborne Jr. This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care) After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good " Understandingly this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status... So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect....... :- Help other customers find the most helpful reviews please log in to view this image please log in to view this image Report abuse | Permalink
This book prompted the best ever imo. I'd be lying if I said one wasn't mine Read the lot, it had me crying. Nobody on the cover has eyes. That's because they literally cried their eyes out when Gerrard fell over and did the world a favour. https://www.amazon.co.uk/They-Dared-Dream-Rodgers-Liverpool-ebook/dp/B00LEG66SE
35,249 of 35,888 people found the following review helpful please log in to view this image DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS, 24 Jan. 2012 By Andrew This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care) Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS. (I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.) Help other customers find the most helpful reviews please log in to view this image please log in to view this image Report abuse | Permalink please log in to view this image
please log in to view this image LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, 17 April 2012 By The Cantankerous Tiger This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care) I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product. Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth. Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than that. However if we ignore the blinding, crippling and debilitating pain I should point out that this product is remarkably effective. Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia; I've spent the last four hours staring fixedly at Carol Vorderman's arse, all to no avail. My tinkywinkleton hasn't even so much as perked up, so if my review seems a bit harsh, it's only because I wanted children. In summary: Pros: A small expense, certainly didn't burn a hole in my pocket. Cons: Did burn a hole in my scrotum All in all an effective and reasonably priced product - 3 Stars.
3,495 of 3,995 people found the following review helpful please log in to view this image Increased Sports Performance Bonus, 24 April 2012 By Rollins72 This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Cream 200 ml (Personal Care) As a highly competitive amateur athlete, I have long been aware of the benefits of a highly polished scrotum pole and hair-free saddle-bags, especially when going for the `longer look' as displayed by Linford in his famous lunchbox. Previously I had used the old-school method of a cutthroat razor, but as you can imagine, this was a tricky and delicate operation, and to make matters worse, it was difficult to get into a comfortable position in the chair at my local Barbers. Anyway, I am quite hairy down there and my snippet valve looks like Brian May's plughole so eventually the Barber said he could no longer perform the task for me. He also said that looking up my whizzer every Saturday at 11:30 put him off his lunch, as he usually has toad-in-the-hole followed by chocolate-coated donuts as a Saturday treat. He did not want to leave me in the lurch and said that he had read some excellent reviews on Amazon about Veet for men and suggested I give it try. Like many other reviewers, I made the mistake of not reading the bumph properly; I used the whole tube and completely coated my cock eggs, barse and nipsy with the stuff. Anyway, I lost track of time, and it was the foul stench of dissolving clinkers and melting hair that brought me to my senses. As I looked at my watch through the putrid fog that had formed around me, I could see that it had been applied for exactly 5 minutes 59 seconds. This presented me with a problem, as when the searing pain began, I was outside my flat, sat in the communal gardens, in a deck chair precisely 100 meters and 3 flights of stairs away from my bathroom. It was as if I had lowered my under-carriage through a volcano and into Hades, whereupon Beelzebub, annoyed by the uninvited intrusion, jabbed me in the rectum with his fork. I took off from the deckchair like Usain Bolt out of the TV adverts. Within 12 seconds, the bathroom was filled with steamy fetid barse broth, and I had the clock weights, biffin's-bridge and Sherriff's badge under ice-cold running water at the tap end of the bath. This did not please the missus, as she was relaxing in there at the time surrounded by floating petals and candles, although she did say that the sight of my ringpiece flashing like a brake light was impressive, and she was pleased to see that my arse barnacles had all but disappeared. When I looked at my watch again, I realised how quickly I had made it up the stairs and the idea dawned on me that I had discovered a 100% legal sports performance enhancer. Now when I compete in a competition I dab a small amount around my Samantha Janus and taint exactly 6 minutes before the race is due to start. If I am doing the hurdles, I change the ratio and put more on my barse to make me jump higher. This proved to be particularly effective a couple of weeks ago, as after crossing the hurdles finish line, I accidentally won the high jump and steeple chase too, looking for the water jump to wash the stuff off. Now I can hear you all thinking that none of this is particularly extraordinary, especially given the reviews that you have already read. However, when I tell you that I am 45 years old, 5' 4" tall and weigh 15 stone, and I used to do the shot-put that should put things into context. As this is an Olympic year I think Tagnutt and Mandeville or whatever their names are, should be redesigned with hairless nether-regions and the British squad should use my technique and be sponsored by Veet, although I don't recommend it for the beach volley ball team. 5 Stars from me. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews please log in to view this image please log in to view this image Report abuse | Permalink
Thanks for those @Ginger Marks. Have to stop, as becoming hysterical in the office, and it's a little difficult to explain why.
ByBroken Manon 1 May 2012 Having carefully read the reviews here, I felt everyone had overreacted and went about purchasing three tubes of what I considered to be nothing more than a mildly aggressive moisturiser. Pleased with my bravery I rushed home and duly went about slathering this "cream" over my marvellous pendulous orbs and sat back for 15 minutes to allow it to work its magic on my Johnson mane which I'm told bares a close resemblance to Clarkson's barnet from the early nineties. Now and only now do I fully understand the comparisons to Napalm, hot magma and nuclear waste............the temperature rose from what was initially a mild sauté, to a less bearable roasting and culminated in what felt like a deep fry in Mount Etna's core. At this fiery stage I took what I thought was the right action and jumped into the shower to remove Satan's tears off my now weeping unit................big mistake. The chemical reaction was akin to a weapons test using thermite and my once glorious topiary slid off in one clean section, burnt through the floor and into my living room where my unsuspecting wife thought she was being attacked by a smouldering ferret. Worse was still to come as my Jacobs swelled to the size and appearance of a pair of basketball as a result of my `baby batter' cooking under the intense and relentless heat and forming Yorkshire puddings, with proportions that would make Ramsey & Oliver jealous. 8 months later and the doctors have helped my mobility by crafting a sack sling from a pair of woks and on a positive note Aunt Bessie is keen to discuss a lucrative advertising campaign. 1 comment|174 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you?
