I was clearing out some old e-mails this afternoon and came across this supposed 'joke' from a Bitters mate of mine from 2002 (yep I have e-mails going back 11 years...) It just reminded me how mediocre things were, even back then - and bearing in mind this was three years before 2005-06 when we at least managed to put some pride back in the badge. With apologies for the joke being so long, but I hope, like me, you can smile at it (and the historic references) because things are finally looking up in 2013/14: The year is 2020, and little Tommy scouser is sitting around the TV multiplayer unit as his Dad, Tommy Scouser, is reminiscing about the great Liverpool sides of the past. "Tell me about the treble winning year, Dad" says Tommy jnr. "Agh the treble winners, now that was a team, Westerveld, Henchoz, Heskey, all wonderfully skilled players. A great side" replied his Dad. "They swept all before them didn't they, father?" queried the wide-eyed boy. "They did: The Worthington cup, FA Cup, and UEFA cup. My God, son, they were awesome." Stated Pops. "So The Worthington Cup, Dad... who did they beat?" asked the youngster. "Was it Man United dad, or Everton?" "Well no, none of those son - we stuffed Birmingham City. Oh, how we made those Bluenoses suffer!" added Scouser Tommy. "What was the score, Dad? Was it 6-0? I bet it was, wasn't it, Dad? I bet Michael Owen scored 6! Did he, Dad?" young Tommy quizzed excitedly. "Errr, no son, no it wasn't, actually. Birmingham were a great side in them days, and we fought hard to take them to penalties, and eventually we stuffed them in sudden death!" squirmed the senior Scouser. "Anyhow, son, the FA Cup was the one they all wanted, and we were up against Arsenal" added Tommy senior, as he tried to sweep his son along on a tide of euphoria. 'Oh Arsenal, Dad, they won the league and European cup that year didn't they, Dad? Oh I remember those players from history, Grimandi and Lee Dixon - they were famous all around Islington weren't they, Dad?" added junior. "True, true, oh it was a great game son. We nearly scored once in the first half you know. Oh I remember it well, oh how we cheered as after 23 minutes we raided into Arsenal's half and Heskey had a header. That would've been less spectacular if the keeper wasn't 47 years old" stated the proud father. "How many shots did we actually have that day, father?" queried Tommy junior. "Well er, um, about 3." "And how many did Arsenal have dad? Asked Tommy. "Well about 9, but they weren't real chances" added Tommy senior. "Doesn't sound like much of a victory to me dad, just 2-1, sounds a bit lucky" sounded the young Liverpudlian. "Well maybe, but son the UEFA final was The Big One - and we stuffed them. We scored five times" quickly added Tommy senior. "Five times? Wow, gee, Dad, we must have given them a real hiding. Who was it, Dad? Was it AC Milan or Real Madrid? Or was it Bayern Munich, Dad? Who, Dad?" "Well, son, it was the Spanish giants, Alaves" stated the elder scouser. 'Who?" asked wee Tommy. "ALAVES, son. Oh, they were a big team in the Basque country back then. They had some massive names." "Who had they, Dad, was it Rivaldo, he played in Spain then; or Raul? Who was it, Dad?" "No, it wasn't Raul or Rivaldo. Cruyff played for them in them days; and the Norwegian International, Eggen." "Wowâ¦.Johan Cruyff, Dad?" "No son, not Johan, Jordi. He was almost as good as his dad. He once scored a hat-trick for Man United against Everton, you know!" "Did he dad? What was that in?â "Well, the Avon Insurance Combination League, son!" "Oh. So what was the final score, Dad? 5-0? "No, er, um, agghh. It was 5-4, son" "5-4! They scored 4 times! Oh I get it dad, I remember once reading that 2 men were sent off in that final. So I take it Liverpool had 2 men sent off after 5 minutes and that sort of evened out the contest" 'No, son, actually they had only 9 men, son.." "Dad?" "WHAT?" "Who scored our winner that day?" " Er, um, oh it was a fella called Geli." 'Sorry, Dad, but I've got a Liverpool A-Z here. Thereâs a Gallagher, Gamble, and Gerrard - but no Geli?" "Well, son, it was an OG" "We beat Alaves with an OG, Dad? We seem to be a very lucky side, how many more shots on goal did we have on them?" "Well, agh, er, actually they had 9 shoots and we had 8." "Dad?" âWHAT?" "Liverpool are still w*nk, aren't they?" "Yeah, sonâ¦" GKRK
Just goes to show the bitters have been bitter for a very long time GKRK you could always point out to that comedian that since he emailed Everton STILL haven't won anything
Exactly what I thought. From another mediocre era. I guess as one of this site's older members, it's a salutory lesson in what you wish for. I am very happily looking forward to each weekend these days when I compare and contrast with the mediocrity that we've had to put up with in the past. I think it's a myth that all our problems started with G&H and then Uncle Woy. It goes way back further and has been deep-seated, notwithstanding 2005-06. As someone said on another thread, you know when you're starting to make an impact - it's when others start talking about you. And that's what it feels like at the moment. GKRK.
The only 2 players that a Youtube compilation cannot make look better because every time they get a touch, it is a flap at a cross or a spill into their own net.
