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Friday Joke

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by staggie, Jul 1, 2011.

  1. staggie

    staggie Well-Known Member

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    A hungry bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow......

    He sits at the counter and notices a Jock with his arms folded staring
    blankly at a bowl of chili.

    After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry
    bloke bravely asks,

    "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"

    The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says,

    "Nah, ye can gae ahead."

    Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his
    place and starts spooning it in with delight.

    He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

    The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili back into the
    bowl.

    The old Jock says,”Aye, thats as far as I got too."
     
    #1
  2. monacoger

    monacoger POTY 2021

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    The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer.
     
    #2
  3. EDGE

    EDGE Guest

    A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

    Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.

    ""Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her ****ing appendix out!"
     
    #3
  4. monacoger

    monacoger POTY 2021

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    Marriage councellor to a couple who are contemplating divorce....... ` Tell me something both of you have in common ` Husband after a long awkward silence ` Well neither of us sucks cock `
     
    #4
  5. SleepySpecialK

    SleepySpecialK Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a man hiding in the bushes?

    Russell
     
    #5
  6. gotcoffee

    gotcoffee Member

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    I just missed out on £200 last night in a pub quiz by one point .. reckon it was down to the last question as well .. "Where do women mostly have black curly hair?"

    Apparently it's Africa ...
     
    #6
  7. PointyBirds

    PointyBirds Member

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    Why did the baker have smelly fingers?

    Because he kneaded a poo.
     
    #7
  8. SleepySpecialK

    SleepySpecialK Well-Known Member

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    What do you give to a sick budgie?

    Tweetment.
     
    #8
  9. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    What do you call an irishman who bounces off rocks?

    Rick O'Shea
     
    #9
  10. SleepySpecialK

    SleepySpecialK Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>

    Where do you take a sick ship?

    To the docs.
     
    #10

  11. EDGE

    EDGE Guest

    What do you call a guy with a seagull on his head?

    Keech head
     
    #11
  12. EDGE

    EDGE Guest

    What kind of bees make milk?

    Boo-bees
     
    #12
  13. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    It's Cliff you twat<laugh>
     
    #13
  14. EDGE

    EDGE Guest

    What do you call a guy with a car on his head?

    Lucky to be alive
     
    #14
  15. - SW6 -

    - SW6 - Well-Known Member

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    Ah ha...

    I see what your doing now...:emoticon-0111-blush
     
    #15
  16. monacoger

    monacoger POTY 2021

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    It didn't take you long SW6!
     
    #16
  17. EDGE

    EDGE Guest

    This <laugh>
     
    #17
  18. The Dandy Highwayman

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    What do women and food blenders have in common?

    They both make great meals but you wouldnt want to lick one out when its on.
     
    #18
  19. Kim Jong Il

    Kim Jong Il Well-Known Member

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    whats this?


    a dead one of these.



    this one might work best face to face....
     
    #19
  20. Zico

    Zico Active Member

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    Whit's this?

    A long wan e these.


    Again, better as a visual joke.
     
    #20

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