Two friends, Mick and Bob were arguing in a bar one day. Mick, was bragging how he knew everybody. He knew celebrities, and celebrities knew him. There wasn't anybody that he hadn't met. Even though he was his good friend, Bob didn't believe him. "Mick, you can't know everyone." He said. "I bet you don't know Paul McCartney." Mick said, "Sure I do." He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. After a moment he said, "Hi, it's Mick. Could you tell my friend Bob here who you are?" He hands the phone to Bob. The voice on the phone was unmistakably Sir Paul McCartney, who said to Bob, "How's my old friend Mick treating you?" Bob was taken aback. He talked to Sir Paul for a few moments before he handed the phone back. "OK, you win that one. But I bet you don't know the the Prime Minister!" he challenged. Mick smiled and dragged his friend out to the car. "We're going to London." He said. A few hours later, they pull up to 10 Downing Street. "Stay here", said Mick as he walked up to the front door. The security guys immediately recognised Mick and let him through. Then, to Bob's amazement, David Cameron came out of the front door with Mick. They were engaged in laughter and banter, they walked over to the car where Bob was sitting and they all talked for a good fifteen minutes. Bob was starting to feel a little perplexed. He figured that maybe Mick only knew people in the UK. So he thought long and hard about who to choose for the next person. Finally he said, "The pope! I bet that you don't know the Pope!..." Mick just grinned and drove to the airport. The next day, they were standing outside St Peter's Basilica in the Vatican. Mick knocked on the door and asked security if he could see the Pope, "Tell him his good friend Mick is here to see him" he said. Since security was so tight Bob was not allowed in. As Mick was cleared through to see the Pope, Bob agreed that he would admit that Mick knew everyone if he saw him and the Pope together. A short while later, Mick walked out onto St Peter's balcony, arm in arm with the Pope. The Pope waved to the screaming crowds in the street. Mick looked down into the crowd, trying to find Bob. To his shock, he saw his friend collapsed in an unconsious heap on the ground. He quickly rushed down to see what had happened. "Bob, Bob!" Mick said as he shook him. "Are you ok?? What happened??" "Yeah. I'm OK." Bob replied. "Just had a bit of a shock." Smugly, Mick asked, "I take it you saw me up there with the Pope then?" "No," said Bob. "The guy standing next to me in the crowd said..."Hey, who's that guy up there with Mick?""
Just like you, that was old and ****.... Paddy was doing his best man speech at Mick's wedding... "I'll keep this short, as I don't want to say anything stupid and get Paddy into trouble, so I'll just say, that I hope you have a great Honeymoon in Wales." To which Paddy says "We're not going to Wales, Mick, where did you ever get that idea?" "From you" said Mick, "you said after the wedding, you were going to Bangor for 2 weeks solid"
We are really going to have to ban Americans from this forum... I may start by banning them from the Fantasy leagues
I can't access you tube from work, but if you want a proper Friday laugh, then google Ulster radio jimmy saville you tube, it's a classic
I saw that on Russel Howards Good News last night had me in stitches cant believe she was naive enough to read it on air.
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a Super Hero and the other is a simple instruction
A man was sitting on a beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The first woman said, "Have you ever had a hug?" The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on. The second woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?" The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been screwed"? The fellow's heart started beating faster as he replied, "No." She said, "You will be when the tide comes in."..
There is this plane, and whilst its doing okay for quite a while, the pilot informs the passengers that it has run into difficulty. A woman jumps up and takes off all her clothes and says ''If I am going to die, I want one of you men to make me feel like a woman'' a man jumps up and takes off his shirt, and says ''Iron this''.
A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an English walk into a bar. The Englishman turns to the Irishman and says... "Is this some kind of a joke?"
Arsenal sent ten thousand football shirts to new york on Monday as a donation towards the storm relief fund...they got call this morning from the Mayor of New York , he said " We have seen our city devastated, our tube system flooded, petrol run out, we have little food or drinking water and no electricity... but for gods sake we do still have our pride!" <tumble weed smilie>
