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Friday Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Red Hadron Collider, Jul 8, 2011.

  1. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Hi all. It's Friday again, so let's forget our petty squabbles for a while and have a giggle.

    No offence meant to anyone here.

    Glen Campbell has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Now he's getting cards and letters from people he doesn't even know.

    My mate asked me. "When is it alright to have sex with girls?". Isaid "It's legal once they leave school". Unfortunately for him, 3.00 pm isn't what I meant and he's now looking at 15 years.

    Coat's on and taxi's ordered!
     
    #1
    Red Hadron Collider, Jul 8, 2011
  2. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny Member

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    My girlfriend dumped me the other day because she said she couldn't deal with my pasta touching fetish :(

    I'm feeling cannelloni right now....

    <party>
     
    #2
    King_Kenny, Jul 8, 2011
  3. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    KING.

    .........and I thought mine were bad!!!
     
    #3
    Red Hadron Collider, Jul 8, 2011
  4. Sir Bob The Greatest Manager Of Them All

    Sir Bob The Greatest Manager Of Them All Member

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    Harry Bennett the underworlds greatest receiver of stolen goods was killed today, he fell of the back of lorry - a two ronnies classic, hilarious
     
    #4
    Sir Bob The Greatest Manager Of Them All, Jul 8, 2011
  5. luvgonzo

    luvgonzo Pisshead

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    What do you call a woman with 2 ****s?


    Mrs Neville.
     
    #5
    luvgonzo, Jul 8, 2011
  6. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    I bet Giggs is gutted. He only had to wait two months and there'd have been no paper to report his activities. Imogen that!
     
    #6
    Red Hadron Collider, Jul 8, 2011
  7. King_Kenny

    King_Kenny Member

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    How do you kill a circus?

    Go for the juggler.....
     
    #7
    King_Kenny, Jul 8, 2011
  8. Muppetfinder General

    Muppetfinder General Well-Known Member

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    I bought some 2nd hand paint. It was in the shape of a house. - Steven Wright
     
    #8
    Muppetfinder General, Jul 8, 2011
  9. KingPepeReina.

    KingPepeReina. Active Member

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    Theres three men and they all got 20 years in prison and they meet the Prison Governor who has to decide to give one of them a more leniant sentence.The Governor says to the first one,What are you in for?He says Arson,the Governor says 20 years is appropriate for Arson.The Governor says to the second one,What are you in for,He says murder,and the Governor says thats an appropriate sentence for murder.The Governor says to the last one.What are you in for,and he says 'Shop-lifting''.The Governor says ''Shop-liftting?,How could you get 20 years for Shop-lifting''.The man replies ''You don't understand,I lifted Harrods off the ground with a bomb''.
     
    #9
    KingPepeReina., Jul 8, 2011

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