I dont play golf, am not realy religeous, but respect folks who do, so please excuse, and hopefully enjoy, by the way " GOOD MORNIN " A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family." "It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ." "I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?" "Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!" "Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!" "Well, we were on the fifth tee... and this hole is a monster 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted... and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!" "Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!" "No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!" "Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized Mother. "But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in its paws!" "So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile. "Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped it right there on the green, and the ball popped out of its paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!" Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... "You missed the ****ing putt, didn't you?"
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. Man: "Hello?" Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" Man: "Yes." Woman: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only two thousand pounds. Is it okay if I buy it?" Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked." Man: "How much?" Woman: "I think its 68,000 pounds." Man: "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options." Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. The asking-price is 1.25 million." Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 1 mil." Woman: "Okay, honey, you're the best! I love you!" Man: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. He starts to smile and asks:[NSFW]"Does anyone know whose phone this is?"[/NSFW]
The oldies are always the best Kiwi, I just save em and recirculate em. As I think you do, hope other folks have an imput, and enjoy.
A woman had just had a few golf lessons. During her first round , she was stung by a bee. The pain was so intense that she had to stop the game and return to the clubhouse for first aid. The golf pro walked through the clubhouse and seeing her in distress asked what was wrong. " I was stung by a bee" , she replies. "Whereabouts", asked the pro. "Between the first and second holes", says the lady. To which the pro retorts , " You're standing with your feet too far apart then".
A woman was in the bath when the doorbell rang, so she got out, put on a bathrobe and went to answer the door. At the door was her husband's out of work golf partner, Brucie. "I'm afraid my husband's not in" she said. "Oh well!", said Brucie, "Say, you look very nice in that robe. How about giving me a quick flash?" "No!", cried the woman, "What would my husband say?" "Oh go on, give us one!", pleaded Brucie, "Just a quick flash and I'll pop you 50, no, 100 quid" The woman is tempted, but still refuses. "Ok, Ok, my final offer. Flash me for 10 seconds and I'll give you 200 quid" The woman thinks about it, nods, opens her robe for 10 seconds and closes it quickly. Brucie smiles & licking his chops hands over £200 in cash, before walking off whistling, hand in pants. Later that evening, the husband asks "Did Brucie call round for me earlier?" "Erm, yes.", replied the wife nervously. [NSFW]"Oh good - did that Geordie twat give you the £200 he owes me?"[/NSFW]
