Put this back on to see if anybody has any more football related jokes 12 months on from this thread?
Football Jokes
- Thread starter Stunningfox
- Start date
Carl Ikeme turns up at Filbert Way with a backpack. The security guard worriedly asks him what he's got in the bag. He replies 'Porno dvd's, some counterfeit match day tickets, hooky replica shirts, some drugs and a gun!'
The security guard says 'Thank **** for that...I thought you'd brought your boots!'
The security guard says 'Thank **** for that...I thought you'd brought your boots!'
A young gifted footballer is scouted in Afghanistan and soon gets a move to an English Championship football team.
The new season arrives and his debut game. His nerves are soon dispelled as he settles to the pace quickly and fits like hand in glove to his new team. Just before half time a chance presents itself and...goal.
The second half...two more chances and two more goals. A hatrick on his debut!
After the game he excitedly rings his Dad.
"Dad, I played great! I scored 3 goals and the crowd loved me! It's great here!"
"You selfish little sod." His Dad replies. " Today...I was threatened with a gun on the way to work, your mum was robbed just trying to get the shopping and your sister was raped! It's all your fault."
"How is that my fault?" Asked the lad.
His Dad replies...
"You made us move to Coventry!"
The new season arrives and his debut game. His nerves are soon dispelled as he settles to the pace quickly and fits like hand in glove to his new team. Just before half time a chance presents itself and...goal.
The second half...two more chances and two more goals. A hatrick on his debut!
After the game he excitedly rings his Dad.
"Dad, I played great! I scored 3 goals and the crowd loved me! It's great here!"
"You selfish little sod." His Dad replies. " Today...I was threatened with a gun on the way to work, your mum was robbed just trying to get the shopping and your sister was raped! It's all your fault."
"How is that my fault?" Asked the lad.
His Dad replies...
"You made us move to Coventry!"
You can't really hold it against Ryan Giggs for shagging Imogen Thomas because any woman who's name is an anagram of "a smooth minge" surely has to be worth a dabble
Wayne Rooney has used Colleens pubic hair for his hair transplant! Apparently the success rate is much higher if transplanted from one C**T to another!
OLM, is so disgusted with the present shambles at hull city, in frustration he goes down to the stadium and nails his new season ticket to the main gates.. overnight he sleeps on it and changes his mind, rushes back down to the ground and finds somebody has pinched the nail...
I walked into a bar in Glasgow and this massive scary bloke came over to me. He had a Celtic FC tattoo across his forehead, he leaned into my face and growled
" So what ****en team do you support then?"
"Celtic obviously" I replied
His face went purple and he roared "well I'm a Rangers fan and some of your mob did this to ma heed"
That's the last thing I remember...
" So what ****en team do you support then?"
"Celtic obviously" I replied
His face went purple and he roared "well I'm a Rangers fan and some of your mob did this to ma heed"
That's the last thing I remember...
Put this back on to see if anybody has any more football related jokes 12 months on from this thread?
1). Leicester
2). leicester
3). Leicester
4). Leicester
5). Heskey
Roy Hodgson is sat with his assistant. "So, unfortunately, now Gary Cahill is injured and ruled out of the Euros. Let's look at our options..."
"What about Rio Ferdinand, Roy?" asks his assistant. "Five Premier league medals, one F.A. Cup, two League Cups, one European Cup and eighty-one caps for his country."
"No, not Rio, I'm looking for something a little different," replied Hodgson.
"I see," said his assistant. "What about Micah Richards? One F.A. Cup-winners medal, one Premier League medal, vice-captain for the Premier League champions and thirteen Caps for his country."
"Again, I don't think you are understanding me," frowns Hodgson. "We need somebody that can slot in nicely alongside John Terry."
"What about Martin Kelly?" asks his assistant.
"Martin who?" asks Roy.
"He's some white guy that plays for Liverpool reserves," replied his assistant.
"Now you're talking," says Hodgson.
"What about Rio Ferdinand, Roy?" asks his assistant. "Five Premier league medals, one F.A. Cup, two League Cups, one European Cup and eighty-one caps for his country."
"No, not Rio, I'm looking for something a little different," replied Hodgson.
"I see," said his assistant. "What about Micah Richards? One F.A. Cup-winners medal, one Premier League medal, vice-captain for the Premier League champions and thirteen Caps for his country."
"Again, I don't think you are understanding me," frowns Hodgson. "We need somebody that can slot in nicely alongside John Terry."
"What about Martin Kelly?" asks his assistant.
"Martin who?" asks Roy.
"He's some white guy that plays for Liverpool reserves," replied his assistant.
"Now you're talking," says Hodgson.
A Leicester fan wrote to the Jeremy Kyle show; Dear Jeremy Kyle I am 15 and pregnant and my parents don't know. They havnt met my boyfriend. He is bisexual and HIV positive & he has tourettes. He is married & 20 years older than me. He deals drugs and carries a gun. He lives in a squat and is just out of jail & he likes animal porn... My problem is, how do I tell my parents that he is a Coventry City fan?
Roy Hodgson only selected four strikers in his Euro 2012 squad;
Wayne Rooney
Jermain Defoe
Danny Welbeck
Andy Carroll
With Rooney suspended for the first two games and Defoe sent home for family reasons, we're left with only two striking options.
Danny Welbeck's right foot, and his left foot.
Wayne Rooney
Jermain Defoe
Danny Welbeck
Andy Carroll
With Rooney suspended for the first two games and Defoe sent home for family reasons, we're left with only two striking options.
Danny Welbeck's right foot, and his left foot.
i just spat my beer out