SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listedcompany. The annual report says the company owns eight cows,with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy... AN AUSTRALIAN COMPANY You have 2 cows It's a nice day, you go to the pub. A NEW ZEALAND COMPANY You have 2 cows One has the same beautiful eyes as your favorite ewe
Tory government You have two cows but have a three bedroom house so you are charged as if you Haye three cows. Cows eats grass so the government put the price of grass up. You sell milk so the government increase tax in your earnings. All the while destroying public services making the rich rich and the hard workers suffer
Tory Government. Have two cows, sell them off cheap to a private company who sells it on themselves for tidy personal profit. Tory's then import all cows from then on for ridiculous cost. No cows sold in Britain any more, economy flat-lines, tax raised, cuts made, growth fails so Tories lower top end tax.
Labour Government You have two cows but want to give some to the poor and disadvantaged who say they have none, so you invest in buying more cows by taking a bit of a cow from everyone with two cows or more and handing them out to any one who says they need a cow. The bits of the cows left can't survive as they've lost an important part of their anatomy and die...and we all end up with no cows but at least we are equally de cowed.
Lib Dem government. have two cows and arrange them on the left, Set up a campaign to win votes on those cows on the left. votes counted and they suddenly arrange the cows to right just to get a few jobs in the cabinet, while the people who voted because the cows were arranged to the left are bewildered.
NHS organisation: you have 2 cows which take ill. You set yourself a target to get to them in 8 minutes. You raach one if them in 9 minutes but save its life. Management tell you you've failed. You reach the other one in 6 minutes but fail to save its life. Management tell you you've succeeded!
ukip we have 2 cows. they say cows are good. they then kick out all the sheep, chickens, lambs and pigs. and were stuck with nothing but cows
politicspeak - You have two cows. The government are going to take them both. You complain so they only take one. You moan about them taking your cow. They tell you how fortunate you are as you are now one cow better off than you would have been.
