I persuaded my girlfriend to smuggle my coke through customs by sticking it up her arse. I didn't know I could buy another can in the departure lounge. My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger. It was only when I had my trousers round my ankles and my c*ck out, that I realised she wanted to rent her spare room out!! The Japanese government have thanked Britain for the rescue dogs they sent out . They said they were delicious! Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship... she replied "wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!" A geordie and a Yank aid worker are helping out in Japan Yank says, "You from round here, buddy?" "No," he replies, "Newcastle" "What State's that in?" asks the Yank. "Pretty much the same as this f*ckin place! A farmer gets a phone call from his son. I've run over a pig and its stuck under the tractor still alive...shoot it says the farmer, and then bury it....about 20mins later he gets another call...done that, what should I do with his speed camera and motorbike I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great! She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating. Teacher to class: "Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve" Pupil: "But Miss, my mummy & daddy said we came from the apes." Teacher: "Stay out of this one Leroy, I'm not talking about your f**king lot." Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella. Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella?" Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round I was f**king skint." Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same." Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog." A woman had been on the game for 4 years and was worried about the size of her fanny on her wedding night so she decided to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence. After an hour in bed with her he said "How far across the f**king field were u before u realised it was caught"
