Match Day Thread England vs Subpoena

England will take on the irrepressible, the mighty, the behemoth of world football that is... Slovenia!

Match commentary alternartive to BBC commentary to follow...

Please vote in the poll. Or else.

 

I know it's not Kane.

 

Just Googled it

 

I've gone Gary Cahill, because

A) he plays for Chelsea
B) given A), I feel like he's at that age where he will have a worldie at home he cheats on constantly for no reason known to man

 

Damn it. I was so confident when typing in "Gary Cahill" and google automatically filled in the wife part (poor Gary)... all I can say is there are lots of dirty bastards out there.

 

Line-ups:

England-
Hart, Walker, Bertrand, Dier, Cahill, Stones, Sterling, Henderson, Kane, Rashford, Oxlade-Chamberlain. So I can only presume we are playing the following formation:

------------------Kane----Rashford-------
----------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------
Bertrand--Stoned---Cahill--Walker
---------------------Traffic Cone-----------

Hart will be glad of the rest, meanwhile I presume we only named midfielders because Fifa said we had to.

 

When is the game?

 

Slovenia-

Slovenia 1, Slovenia 2, Slovenia 3, Slovenia 4, Could have played for Italy if they were decent but had a Slovenian Great granny 1, Slovenia 5, Slovenia 6, The lucky matchday "Slovenian fan gets to play" lottery winner 1, Slovenia 7, Slovenia 8, Slovenia 9.

The formation-

-----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------------------------------------------
Slovenia 6 (always straying out of position)
-----------------------------------------------------------
--------------------Everyone else-----------------
--------------------goal-line--------------------------

 

Tonight. Viewable on ITV at 19:30 (ko 19:45), and all good porn sites immediately after.

 

JPF pre-match prediction: I expect an epic first 45 minutes of halfway line to touchline, to almost in the opposing half, to back to keeper, to out to touchline, to out for a throw because of a miscontrol, hold onto your pants kinda action, followed by a second so mesmerically similar that to any but the eagle eyed viewer, it seems like you must have drifted into an excitement
-derived coma and woken up to a 2-0 scoreline that can't possibly have transpired.

 

I also think the Sheik of Slovenia will celebrate a 0-2 loss long into the night

 

I’ll just skip to part 2 I reckon.
Part 2 also features boxes, hairy moments, activity up front and at the back and well as a bit of shooting.

 

Update: Important news!!!

Woman makes phone call and lady stands weirdly on a bridge.


I'm stuck watching Emmerdale until the footy.

 

I'm going 3-0 to us.

 

Infinitely more interested in your answer to the poll...

ACS chose Rashford, who I'm pretty sure is 12 so

 

Looking at Group F, I think Scotland should hold a referendum on becoming a northern part of England

 

Highlight of the game so far: Lee Dixon's Tartany/checky suit...

Clearly welcoming our soon to be Northern England brothers

 

Southgate's bird must be the most mature by far.

 

19:44
One minute til kickoff, the time when those that can be bothered watching think there will be a miraculous change to how England perform Internationally...

The ultimate vinegar stroke after thinking about your Nan to try and make it last a few seconds more... then no... just the grim wallow of shame and grisly satisfaction.

 

Kickoff
Noooooooooo Nan