England v Columbia last 16

So after winning the battle of who has got the worst reserve team v Belgium, Gareth Southgate is looking smugly at the easy side of the draw that his tactical nous has guarenteed his side.

In fairness Columbia are going to be difficult to beat because:

a) the Columbians are on coked up to the eyeballs (allegedly)

b) England are playing a midget in goal, a wing back in central defence and the most over rated player with a gun tattoo in England

and most significantly

c) The Columbian drug cartels have promised not to kill any of the players or their family members if they win.

This is a powerful incentive...and the Columbians learnt this incentervisation from own lovable Krays Twins...Gawd bless them boys...they loved their mum and more importantly they had Bobby Moore's wife fitted with some fetching concrete shoes as they listened to the match on a barge in the Thames...and we all know how that worked out...ahhh them were the days!

Danny Dier has taken inspiration from this and has taken Danny Roses's stash of Mars Bars and is threatening to give them to Neil Ruddock

England's main tactic will be to set up several early chances for Sterling to screw up and while the Columbians are pissing themselves in disbelief a proper player will score.

There have been some real shocks in this world cup;

1) Italy failing to qualify at all
2) Holland failing to qualify at all
3) Germany failing to get out of their group
4) Spain going out
5) John Stones not being dogshite bad.

so there is a glimmer of hope that England might get through.

So ... tomorrow night you need to put club allegiances aside and cheer the spurs and ex spurs players on ...

all together now...

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh
wheeeeeeeeeennnnnnn theeeeeeeeeeeeee Spuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrssssssss

cue Southampton fans lying about us stealing their song

 

COLOMBIA

FFS

 

I would have got away with it if it weren't for you spelling Nazi mo fo types

 

Oh you tart, you were so close to a like



COME ON ENGLAND!

 

Given tournament history, if England are looking past this at an “open bracket”, or see this game as anything but huge challenge that will likely be on knife edge, they’d be foolish. Colombia is definitely a top quality side. They are also probably the most inconsistent of top sides in finding their top form, but if they do, this will be anything but a picnic.

 

I really don't think we're going to win. The good fortune of the route to the final means we will fck it up. In theory this is like United in the Europa League. Except no Mourhino in charge. Big mistake.

Fcking hell just seen our odds are 5-1

 

I think we are just haunted by the past.

This squad seems to be a bit more confident in their own collective ability. I think we can do them...but **** me, it's not going to be easy.

 

Yeah Colombia are the sort of side who seem to cause us problems and the way the draws turned out it's undoubtedly our best chance to reach a final.

That makes me more nervous really but if we win tomorrow I think we'll make semis at least.

 

Why have you got Riker from Star Trek Next Generation as your avatar?

 

cos all his porn ones are banned?

 

****ing nerd

 

It's Heath Robinson, the guy who invented something

 

Every team has that same pressure now. They’ll be saying the same thing in Colombia, Sweden and Switzerland about the half of the draw. Second tier countries (including England) will never have a better chance.

 

If Henderson play, England will lose

 

Looking forward to this game will get a few beers in.

 

They need to get you in to do the teamtalk.

Com on lads. Kick ball in goal. England win. People cheer. Do it for Tommy Robinson.

 

Thought it was Tommy Robertson?

 

That’s what they call him in Thailand.