I had a large explosive sh*t Down by the riverside It spread both far and wide It filled my heart with pride I sh*t 'til my a*se'ole split Down by the riverside The fish and the tadpoles died And I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more Ain't a-gonna swim in there no more 'Cause it don't smell the way it did before It smells like a badger's b*m It smells just like Birmingham Or maybe an Egyptian sh*t-house door I wiped my a*se with leaves and grass Down by the riverside Up 'n' down and side to side All along the great divide The effluent set like cement And though I tried and tried My r*ctum could not be rectified And I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more Naked women there no more And it don't smell the way it smelt before It smells like a badger's b*m It smells just like Rotherham Or maybe an Egyptian sh*t-house door I fed my t*rds to aquatic birds Down by the riverside They could not quite decide If they were cyanide The ducks went quack and flung 'em back And 'though I tried to hide I ended up t*rdified I ain't a-gonna swim in there no more It's up to the brim in there I'm sure And it don't smell the way it smelt before It smells like a badger's b*m It smells just like Wimbledon Or maybe an Egyptian ****-house door My massive dump made one big clump Down by the riverside It drifted with the tide "Ahoy!" a sailor cried "Would that be sh*te or the Isle Of Wight I see on my port side?" Down by the riverside And we ain't a-gonna swim in there no more By that sh*tty shingle shore 'Cause it don't smell the way it did before It smells like a badger's b*m It smells just like Birmingham Or maybe an Egyptian sh*t-house door And so does the reservoir... phwoooar!
