Some good ones in here The human body has 7 trillion nerves. My wife manages to get on every f-----g one of them! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ My missus asked me to help her stop sucking her thumb, so I drew a cock on it ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------- I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. They're brilliant. It makes the wife look like she's actually moving during sex... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------- My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal. Dyslexic bitch , it turns out that she love Alan, my best mate...... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------------------- A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, "Don't enter that church, you daft t**t !!!" His wife asks him, "What are you watching?" Husband replies, "Our bloody wedding video" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------------------------- Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, "How dare you call me a slapper. Get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------------------------------------------------------------- Life is like a penis.. Soft and hanging freely. It's women that make it hard ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------- I was getting chatted up by a bird last night. She said, "Have you got a nickname?" "Yes" I said, "They call me Sledge" "OH... Is that because you a sleek and fast?" she giggled "No...... It's because I get pulled by dogs!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------------------------------- Just seen a Dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The 200 Polish fans arrested after yesterday's game have been found guilty of violent disorder and been deported back to England . ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ----- The wife and I were lying in bed this morning when she said, "I think the romance in this relationship is dead" I wish she wouldn't talk to me while I'm having a ****. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------- A big row has broken out in the Irish Olympic Synchronised Diving Team after Paddy accused Mick of copying him. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ --------- I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform but she says she doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her bum sore.
A bloke is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, "Don't enter that church, you daft t**t !!!" His wife asks him, "What are you watching?" Husband replies, "Our bloody wedding video" FUNNIEST JOKE I'VE SEEN IN MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!! great work
