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During school holidays when I was about ten, I attempted to construct a robot from household appliances which included a blender, Atari 2600 and Vacuum cleaner. My intention was to have it completed before the holidays ended so that it could accompany me to school and kill Bradley McPherson who had stolen my Casio calculator watch. After realising that the project would entail actual engineering knowledge and being told to "clean up that ****ing mess in the shed", I instead told everyone at school that Bradley's mum had told my mum that he had been born with both a penis and a vagina and had to wear special underpants to keep the two separated.
