Van Persie's house in London has been set on fire. Police believe it was "Arsene". Next paragraph for my Fifty Shades of Gray book: "After what seemed around 10 minutes of humping the arse off her i pulled out, dumped the vast contents of my overflowingnutsack and left her with a face looking like a plasterer's radio" In a club last night and this really ugly girl came up to me , squeezed my arse and said " give me your phone number sexy " I said " have you got a pen " she smiled and said " yes " I said " well **** off back to it , before the farmer notices your missing ". My wife and I were on holiday and after a few sambucas and hours of persuasion she finally agreed to take it up the arse. I'm so relieved, there was no way I could get another 8 pouches of tobacco in the case! Woke up the other morning at 6am with a wicked hang over,listening to the neighbour mowing his ****ing lawn. First reaction was to get up and throttle the ****, then I thought **** it, he'll just have to mow around me. The girlfriend said, turn the bedside light out and I'll let u stick it up my arse. To b fair i probably should have waited til the bulb had cooled first!
