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Christmas Cracker Jokes

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by GroveRanger, Dec 9, 2016.

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  1. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    Even I admit I'm scraping the barrel with this thread but what are your favourite cracker gags?

    Q) What sits at the bottom of the sea and shivers?
    A) A nervous wreck!

    Q) What do ducks pull at Christmas?
    A) Quackers!

    Q) What sits in a chair, hardly moving and stinking of piss and soup?
    A) (insert answer of your choice)
     
    #1
    GroveRanger, Dec 9, 2016
  2. Girvan Loyal 1690

    Girvan Loyal 1690 Nobody's safe now

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    I don't have a Porsche in my garage
     
    #2
    Girvan Loyal 1690, Dec 9, 2016
  3. Deleted #

    Deleted # Well-Known Member

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    What's worse than finding a toenail in your soup?



    Rape
     
    #3
    Deleted #, Dec 9, 2016
  4. GroveRanger

    GroveRanger Well-Known Member

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    FTFY
     
    #4
    GroveRanger, Dec 9, 2016
  5. Null

    Null Well-Known Member
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    Why do elephants have big ears ?

    As noddy won't pay the ransom.
     
    #5
    Null, Dec 9, 2016
    Girvan Loyal 1690 and Void like this.
  6. Null

    Null Well-Known Member
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    Why are there no pain killers in the jungle ?

    As the parrots eat em all ...
     
    #6
    Null, Dec 9, 2016
  7. Null

    Null Well-Known Member
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    Why can't you win at board games in the jungle ?

    Too many cheetahs ...
     
    #7
    Null, Dec 9, 2016
    SaveTheHumans likes this.
  8. Null

    Null Well-Known Member
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    What do you call a 10ft , 20 stone budgie ?

    Sir !
     
    #8
    Null, Dec 9, 2016
  9. B-C

    B-C Well-Known Member

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    To get fried so Patience could have dinner.
     
    #9
    B-C, Dec 9, 2016
    Girvan Loyal 1690 and pompeymeowth like this.
  10. pompeymeowth

    pompeymeowth Prepare for trouble x
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    please log in to view this image
     
    #10
    pompeymeowth, Dec 9, 2016
    Girvan Loyal 1690, Toby and Void like this.

  11. Tina.

    Tina. Well-Known Member

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    Why did the kettle fall down the stairs?

    Coz it was steaming :emoticon-0173-middl
     
    #11
    Tina., Dec 10, 2016
    Null and Toby like this.
  12. A.L.D.O 4.1

    A.L.D.O 4.1 1 of the top defendants in Europe

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    What's the difference between a golf ball and an abortion ?

    You canny spread a golf ball on a piece.
     
    #12
    A.L.D.O 4.1, Dec 10, 2016
  13. rogueleader

    rogueleader suave gringo

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    Links?
     
    #13
    rogueleader, Dec 10, 2016
  14. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    ^^^ tumbleweed
     
    #14
    SaveTheHumans, Dec 10, 2016
  15. rogueleader

    rogueleader suave gringo

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    ^^^ hasn't yet worked out how to post tumbleweed gif.
     
    #15
    rogueleader, Dec 10, 2016
  16. bayernkenny

    bayernkenny Well-Known Member

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    Have you tried bidding for a box of golf balls on ebay?
     
    #16
    bayernkenny, Dec 10, 2016
  17. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    Beelin' his poor attempt at a joke failed <laugh>
     
    #17
    SaveTheHumans, Dec 10, 2016
  18. rogueleader

    rogueleader suave gringo

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    <uses 'laugh' in attempted joke fiasco>

    I will ask you, as a gentleman, to refrain from continuing in your dullard ways.
     
    #18
    rogueleader, Dec 10, 2016
  19. SaveTheHumans

    SaveTheHumans Well-Known Member

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    That wisny a joke. It was me laughing m8.
     
    #19
    SaveTheHumans, Dec 10, 2016
  20. rogueleader

    rogueleader suave gringo

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    <applause> GC has its new Oscar Wilde
     
    #20
    rogueleader, Dec 10, 2016
    Null likes this.
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