Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza. The salesgirl asked him:- 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
Why does Santa have a big sack? As he only comes once a year. Why do elephants have big ears? As Noddy won't pay the ransom. How do you get down from a horse? You don't, you get down from a duck. Noel Gallagher ordered soup at the restaurant... he asked for a Roll With It. When he didn't get one he stormed off, he was told Don't Look Back in Anger.
I purchased an advent calendar from a Jahovas witness last week. On 1st Dec opened the door and there were two of the ****s stood behind it.
What has eyes but cannot see? A potato What do you call a 6ft 7in, 18 stone budgie? Sir What's white and can kill you if it falls from a tree? A fridge. Why cant you get painkillers in the jungle? Because the parrots eat them all. Why should you never play cards in the jungle? Because of all the cheetahs.
Two aerials got married. The ceremony was crap but the reception was great. HP, Heinze, Daddies... police reveal their sauces. What did the policeman say to his stomach? You are under a vest. A man was found dead under hundreds and thousands... he topped himself.
Two elephants fall off a cliff...boom boom! Why did the two elephants not go swimming ...as they only had a pair of trunks between then.
Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it. 'Tiny', answers Mike. 'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid. 'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike.
Top Tips: Save ££££££££££s. Don't splash out on expensive Xmas crackers this year. Get the same quality comedy by compiling a list of Dev's best 'jokes' from the past year and getting your guests to take turns to read them out.
There's been a massive increase in gum disease in Yorkshire directly related to the craze of injecting ecstacy into the mouth during the 90's rave scene. Locally known as E by Gum
