Celtic are so gay, listen to this

ma mate just texted me sayin Robbie Keane just foned him and said hes delighted to be at paradise and he looks forward to seeing him at paradise next wednesday for the hearts game.

all you season tickets holders out there are in for a treat.

 

I already had tickets for that game. I'm not a season ticket holder though.

 

Shame you'll be stuck on your plinth in the middle of the sea

 

All clubs do it Nev, including Rangers.

When Smith & McCoist returred McCoist was ringing folk up, sure he rang Bateman or his brother.

 

,

 

never foned me, maybe foned ma maw. well we're gay aswell then

 

They can't keep me on after tomorrow. I'm on the flirst flight out of here. On double time as of tomorrow too, because I'm outwith legal working hours. £600 a day, bonus

 

whats the payout when the inevitable happens?

[video=youtube;EoHd5LePyVc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoHd5LePyVc[/video]

 

sign for the OF and become a glorified call centre monkey

 

ad be ragin if a was in that helicopter, packed lunch aw wet

 

£5 million insurance from my company. £3 million life insurance and whatever settlement my family gets from Bristows the Helicopter operator. Probably £10million+

 

not bad

think my mrs got 400k all in and that was mainly from insurance policies i took out, about 50k was from the gov. you should each sign each other as the beneficiaries like a windmill of death sweeper

"A helicoper went down in the north sea today...."


"YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

LR - I finished with my girlfriend and moved-out less than a month after getting the full-time job offshore. Wasn't having her at home spending my cash while I'm stuck out here twiddling my thumbs. **** that, I'll just pump daft wee slags who think that I'll buy them stuff.

 

when i was away i put 300 a month into a joint account for council tax and if anything went tits up with our flat as i might go a couple of wks at a time when i had not contact with the real world. why give her money anyway? its not like you've got a kid together hows your personal accident liability? any chance of pinky loss etc?

Mrs. LR earns **** all as she's doing a phd so i pay for most of the food but she pretty much pays for herself. on the plus side she couldnt pay the mortgage on her own so she cant leave.

 

More than that LR, she was a pain in the arse. Clingy as **** expecting me to phone twice a day when I'm offshore.

My job is pretty safe. I walk about with one of these taking vibration readings:

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hmm. no luck there then. we'll need to find you something to put your hand in.

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KERCHING!

 

be good if u were rich and u just left all ur money to the gravestone maker. solid gold grave stone encrusted with diamonds. sayin ha ha ha ha on it.

 

Is that to measure this when it's up your balloon knot?

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I could get that thing running like a dream Bollo.

When I used to work on boats in Aberdeen harbour I turn up and say "I'm the Vibration Analyst" sure as **** some comedian would go "You got a dildo in that case?" so I'd say "Aye, you got the same one at home?"

Always shut the funny-****s up.


Nev, I want to be cremated and have my ashes put in an Iron Fist crushing a Globe then have it buried somewhere random in the woods in the Highlands. Imagine finding that?

 

I;m glad to hear that I have the humour as a Aberdeen Harbour ****!

I'll think I'll go quite for a while