Off Topic Bugger!

I've been logged into Not606 for like four days without saying a word!

Stupid cow.

 

Don't be hard on yerself...........mancs at the weekend...........save your energy

 

You have not missed much to be honest.

 

International break, whole board slows down always the same.

 

Won't be around for it. Might see it if it's on in the care home where my mam is, but it's what could be her last birthday so I have to be there.

 

Not true, we just all bugger off to the Mafia thread

 

Yeah, its at times like that when real life kicks in and football takes a back seat, sorry to read about your mum being I'll Wishi, all the best to her and yourself mate.

 

It's awful Wishi.

 

Sorry to hear about your Mum wishi, thoughts are with you.

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One of my biggest regrets is not really getting to know my parents - if that makes sense. You take them so much for granted. Over the years since their passing, there's been so much I wanted to ask them - like yesterday I had a look at the Blitz thread and growing up hearing stories of their young lives during the war, it just washed over me, but now, I'd pay attention. I'd love to know silly little things like their favourite books, where they met, how old they were when they left school, what everyday life was like during the war. Don't get me wrong, I do know an awful lot of stuff about them but it's the little things I never thought to ask or more than likely, wasn't interested in at the time. If I had the time over, I'd do it differently.

 

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It does make sense, JB, especially when our parents were born in the era they were. Different times, I guess. I was in the same boat.

 

I remember when my mum was @ a week from the end. She was in Broad Green. She knew she was dying and was, in all frankness, fed up of the operations and chemo and had accepted her fate. I rushed over from York one Friday evening with my daughter, then 9 months, on the train. Jumped a taxi at Lime St, and by time we got there my daughter was just knackered and slept on the end of my mum's bed. She just got on with her Mirror quizword, occasionally stroking Lucy's (my daughter's) hair. I read a book.

That's it - three generations, the way it is. That's how I remember her and describe her to Lucy. Think I've sort of forgotten the last couple of days, and remember her death as above.

I'm not religious, or even that spiritual. But she still comes, now and then, in dreams (more than my dad, in truth) and she's as real as I remember her. I know that is all my own memories constructing that, and I even tell her so, sometimes, and she tuts like she always did when I doubted her God. Thing is, Wishi, you'll NEVER lose that love as long as one of you remains alive.

She'll be fine, Wishi, and so, eventually, will you.

Take care.

 

Great post DD.

 

Beautifully written, DD, I bet your mam is looking down on you and is happy to see you living a good life.

My mam, sadly, has been dogged from age 14 with schizophrenia and as we were all growing up (I'm the baby) it was hard - even during my time when she was 'well' on meds - and she wasn't a very good mother because of it, but she was a good listener in my later years. I was her mistake (the big joke is her and dad wanted boys, ended up with four daughters, and I was the tomboy into football and not dolls!) Now it's my turn to be there for her now the dementia has its hold and I'm glad of it. She's my old Mum, she has been a cow at times, her illness has made her nasty, but I did love her and still do. The sad thing is most people (my sisters included, but tbf they had it bad when she was on one when they were little) don't get mental health, but I'm more informative because I work in the NHS.

 

My mum was diagnosed schizoid around the time of her menopause. I think nowadays they'd say she was bi-polar, as opposed to schizophrenic, but it kicked off while I was in my early teens, and it was a bit like The Invasion of the Bodysnatchers. Over 30 years thereafter there were moments of clarity and episodes, but in the last months of her life, as she was not on meds as they conflicted with her chemo and suchlike, she was focussed and 'normal'.

And listen, when she's gone you WILL remember more good times than bad, I assure you. Maybe that's your subconscious burying the truth or something to protect you, I dunno. But the truth is, underneath it all you love her and she loves you, and in the end she'll take that with her. And she'll have no more pain, and when you accept that, neither will you.

Again, take care, and know you've been a good daughter.

 

Most would.

 

My mum suffered on and off with depression for many years before the dementia kicked in. I think mental illness may well be a trigger. Mind you, I reckon I'd suffer with depression if I found my mother dead with her head in the gas oven. Beggars belief. She'll be at peace soon.

 

That must have been so hard for your Mum and all you kids. It's not uncommon for a physical illness to be seen as something you have but mental illness is something you are. It's evident from your own wording that you get it because you say schizophrenia [the condition] rather than schizophrenic [labelling your Mum as a 'something']. People generally don't understand mental health issues saying things like pull yourself together or snap out of it, like it can somehow be overcome very easily. You wouldn't tell a diabetic to snap out of it!

I echo what Donga said - you're a good daughter and your Mum should be proud of who you are and what you've achieved, as you yourself should.

 

What would you like to go back and ask?

 

I thought you meant go back and change.

 

No, I meant getting to know them. The same applies to really getting to know your children, without being intrusive and pushy - to any fathers of youngsters reading this - pay attention, those early years go very quickly.