New comments added... CARRYING ON FROM ( thread) LIGHTHEARTED... A bit like us "mature" BCFC fans and our present condition The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Tell me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"
Doctor Doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains O just pull yourself together will you. Doctor Doctor I keep seeing Micky and Goofy Interesting and how long have you been having these Disney spells I'm sorry I have 2 bits of bad news for you Oh my god what are they? According to this report you have 2 days to live How can anything else be bad after that? I should have told you yesterday. Doctor to patient Please go over to the window and put your tongue out How will that help with my diagnosis? It won't but I don't like the person in the office opposite.
Three aged City fans, were at Prems house and were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second fan chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." Prem responded, " Well, lads, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as he rapped his knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
I think Bristol City had the most skillfull midfield and strongest defence in the championship last season........... Now that IS funny..........
THE ASHTON FIASCO.. At the court hearing to iron out the new ground............. the pro lawyer called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Dogwaggy, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Dogwaggy, do you know the defense lawyer?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he,too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire area. Yes, I know him." At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"
Onions and Christmas Trees A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs. In her 20s, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?""Yes. The tree is dead, and the balls are just for decoration."
It was Christmas Eve and a cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.' She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.' 'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1, you have to be single and 2, you must be Catholic.' The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!' 'OK' the nun says. 'As it is Christmas, pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?' 'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.' The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'
A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. The pain was so intense that the decided to return to the clubhouse for help. Her pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee," she replied. "Where?" He asked. She said, "Between the first and second hole." He nodded knowingly and said, "I think Your stance may be too wide."
its still funny............ A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview JGF an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked JGF to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. JGF replied, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself." The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same." The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"
man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers. He rushes to the emergency room. The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do." "But I don't have the fingers!" "Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor. "Well, I couldn't pick them up."....
OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact .................. BCFC fans are getting a bit long in the tooth if they still have any............ A young City fan saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young fan decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young fan then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."
Old fishermen never die they just smell that way. A gashead dies and is sent to hell when he arrives the devil on the gate asks him about his life and what he has done to deserve being in Hades The gashead replied with the usual things had told lies cheated on his wife etc and said he had followed the Gas for 70 years the devil looked at him with pity and said sorry you have come to the wrong place you should be in heaven you've already been in hell for 70 years.
hey.what a gas..........lol OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever...typical of ours! Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
John Ward was out shopping at Tesco's Eastville when he saw David Clarkson in the store on his mobile looking worried, now being a good manager he goes up to David and asks what wrong? David replies I've got an emergency at home but I also need to finish the shopping. As said John being a good egg says look you give me your shopping list and head home you can get your groceries from the ground when you have sorted out the emergency. Awe thanks boss says David as he heads off home. John is busy doing his and Davids shopping when he bumps into Derek McInnis who is looking for players in the Bristol Area and they start talking finally Derek says well what are you doing here John? John replies getting 5lb of spuds for David Clarkson Derek replies thats a good deal mate I wouldn't give 50p for him myself.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line... "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
Well its summer sales now and we are in the midst of them, cant help thinking why we are so actively trying to build up a team before most of the "upper eschelons" have decided on who comes and goes...Flint, Wynter .. Addy was beginning to "fit in" , didn't see last 2 games, so he is young enough to want to keep as he could really improve....less injuries with our strikers...Addy and Anderson Flint Wynter..Nyatanga...Cunningham..Fontaine Burns Reid Ajala kilkeeny Burns Bryan and Elliot...PLUS THE OLDER STAGERS.... Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
