St Godders is set to be the new owner of Portsmouth FC It has emerged today that an exciting new buyer has come forward for crisis stricken Pompey. A local man from Southampton has put in a very generous but undisclosed bid for the floundering club. Asked what prompted him to declare his interest now Godders replied that it was an idea first proposed on a message board that he had initially dismissed but he continued; "This morning I found my old School Post office savings stamp book in my sock draw and there were still a few stamps in it. I didn't think they would be worth anything as thay were in £sd but my local post mistress was able to convert 7/-6d into decimal money and haey presto I had the necessary funds. Asked what his ambitions were for the club he replied; "It has always been my ambition to see the South's top clubs as successful as possible so I intend to turn PFC into a feeder club to provide players for great clubs like Southampton, Brighton and Bournemouth and possibly Reading. Asked about the stadium he commented: "I have plans to demolish Fratton Park and turn it into a modern all seater stadium with a capacity for 12500 fans. There aren't any more people than that who follow Pompey so building a bigger stadium would be an inneccessary expense. The Chair of the Pompey Supporters Foundation Trust is reported as saying he is giving his full support to Godders who is well known in the city for his positive attitude to Pompey and it's supporters over the years. We see this man as a local hero and our saviour. We are planning to give him the key to the city if we we can get it back off Harry Redknapp. There is as always one fly in the ointment and there has to be when you are discussing PFC affairs and that would appear to be the lovely Mrs Godders who is today reported as saying; If he thinks he is going to throw good money after bad he can think again. I need that money to replace my coat that he carelessly spilled paint all over the other day. I have been very worried about him lately and this latest idea of his just another sign of him losing his marbles. The silly old fool. Who ever heard of anyone stupid enough to buy PFC. You would have to be barking made.
Absolute quality Godders. This should be made into an article so it can be viewed by the wider internet public.
St Godders, forgive me for adding another fly to the ointment, so to speak, but what do the FA have to say about your proposal and indeed credentials? In order to be the owner of PFC, the pre-requisites include: gun-running (or indeed being any sort of runner) money laundering building up a false public profile of being a sheikh or billionaire stripping national banks of their assets for self-profit Do you tick all the boxes my noble and learned friend?
... and where is your pet gerbils Overseas Bank Account? You will never pass the due dilligence process.
Godders, you are indeed a genius. But I always suspected that "I'm-just-a-poor-pensioner-with-gammy-knees" was just a front.
I think I do although I have to say it has been a bad day for I am writing this while sat in a cell in Winchester Prison. Firstly this morning I couldn't find any socks without holes in them which was why I was rummaging in the sock draw and ended up finding the savings stamps. The lovely Mrs Godders had insisted I where clean underwear and socks with no holes in them as I was off to the hospital for a check up. I can happily report that there were no problems there but when I got home the lovely Mrs Godders was sat in the living room having a cup of tea with a copper. As soon as I came in he became all formal asked me if I was the Mr Godwyn who had made a formal bid for Portsmouth FC. When I said yes he promptly arrested me. When I asked on what charge he said don't come the funny man with me my good fellow I know only crooks buy PFC and my inspector is confused as you don't have a criminal record which he thinks means that you haven't been caught yet or we don't know what you've done or your planning some big job. In which ever case he said he thought it was safer to protect the general public from my sort by locking me up. When I asked him what he meant by my sort he said the sort of decidedly dodgy sort of character who would want to own Portsmouth FC. What I am most disturbed about is that when they put me in the police van in front off all my neighbours the lovely Mrs Godders looked rather too pleased for my liking and had a big smile on her face. I don't know when they'll let me out if ever but I have already complained that no one who has ever owned PFC has been locked up before and I was only joking when I said I would buy them and I am inside before you know it. When I said that to the Desk Sergeant he said I should count myself very lucky as their first instinct was to have me sectioned under the mental health act. A matter with which apparently Mrs Godders concurred.
I think there could be a sitcom in this! Excellent work Godders, please keep it up (once they let you go of course).
It's really good in here with over half the prisoners Pompey fans and once they heard it was me planning to buy the club I have been able to have a shower in peace at last. All in all I am having a great time but don't tell the lovely Mrs Godders for if she gets the slightest whiff that I might be enjoying myself she'll be petitioning for my release.
Godders, I pray you don't find yourself sharing a cell with old twitchy once the Southwark Courts have administered justice. I'd hide all your valuables if so...
I can't see Harry giving up the key for a few weeks yet, as he will hopefully need it to open a few more doors with bars on.
