Of all the kinds of **** this has to be in my top three. You are at home alone minding your own business with no thought of self abuse as you expect the other half and the kids back any minute when the phone goes and it's your missus who says she is staying at the in-laws with the chavvies for dinner and won't be back for a few of hours. I'm like Augustus Gloop in the chocolate factory when that happens. On goes the 'tinternet and it is a couple of hours of detailed investigation into the pros and cons of teens vs milfs, blondes vs brunettes, cheerleaders vs secretaries, anal vs oral etc. The Bonus ****. You are welcome.
