Best/worst Xmas gifts

Seeing as every other **** and his mum are doing these threads at the moment I thought I'd join in.

Goes like....

Best Xmas gift given =
cartier watch, box, papers and receipt for ex girlfriend, bought from a local crack head for £100, worth £4k. (yes I told her I spent that)

Best Xmas gift gotten =
37hr mdma fueled threesome with above ex girlfriend and her absolutely naughty Brazilian workmate who brought toys and costumes.

Worst given =
lynx aftershave/shower gel/deodorant pack, back to my old dears fella (utter **** BTW) who gave it me for my birthday the September before that the funny bit was him knowing I gave his his pundland present back, not saying anything like the humourless spineless waste of jizz his is and forcing out a thankyou

Worst gotten =
22nd December knock on the door from popo, court same day, checked into hotel scrubs by 5pm for 3months.

Gift you want but will never get = finding out Pablo Escobar was really my secret father and left me £500m and all his leftover cocaine as inheritance

 

Worst and best I gave was my younger brother:

Got him a car washing kit from Halford's when I was back one Christmas soon after moving out here. After listening to the insults from my mother about how cheap me and the wife were I then told him that it was to clean the car I had lent him when I moved away which I was now giving him.

So an added bonus of putting my mother in her place as well.

 

Not a Christmas person really but the best present is having all the family together.

 

My mum once thought I’d need a novelty belt with a built in bottle opener.

That’s not the worst though, the worst is the dog that I bought for my Mrs. Useless ****ing yapping ****box.

 

That brought a tear to my eye

 

It's your own fault she's like that bro

 

I wasn't sure whether he was referring to his dog or his Mrs.

Come to think of it the same applies to your comment.

 

I assumed he was talking about the Mrs

 

I'm getting the missus a pair of second hand size 12 air max off ebay this xmas.

 

Best: Play Station 2 with Grand Turismo 3. What a great year that was!

Worst: Not me but a friend of my mums who owns a horse was given a wheelbarrow from her boyfriend to help shovel the horse ****.

He's not with her anymore funnily enough.

 

Who did you give your younger brother to mate? ... and were your parents a bit pissed off with you?

 

Go to bed Fosse ffs.

 

Are they the ones with the bouncy soles and heels filled with Vegan fart gas?

 

Lynx sets are always the worst and it feels like you're guaranteed one every ****ing year. I haven't used lynx since I was 15 ffs.

 

I merely ask the questions that others are too scared to

... by the way, it appears that United will seek to bring in Mauricio Pinocchiotina as manager in the summer ... ... if that happens will you be willing to extend the offer of your OT tickets to HIAG? ... so that he get to see his hero live for the first time?

 

It would save us all a lot of effort if you could just replace your signature with this.

 

"This" .. FFS that's way too short ... go to bed Jackie

 

I knew that was coming.

Go to bed Fosse ffs.

 

HIAG can come to a game with me whenever he likes.

 

When you strip bare the wholesale commercialism of it all that’s all we have.

Ps. Had a tear in my eye when I wrote that.