Indispensable for your partner, friend, even yourself in a large group unsure of world cup etiquette Courtesy of The Independant as soon as the referee blows on his throat flute to get the football match started make sure you say one of these things: come on football kick off lets get this event started good luck i think that we are going to be in for a great game i hope that our football team gets the points that they require i am enjoying myself football if a player gets a tackle on him shout some of these things as loud as you can: keep your knees to yourself you italian idiot put your shorts back on and get up it is a good job that he has got plastic shin sheets on the bottom of his legs or he would have to be carried home in a wheelchair this cant be happening why isnt he moving anymore great tackle when a goal is scored take your top off and scream any or all of these things: brazilio what a goal that is the type of strike that i like to see he striked that one like he was kicking a ball at a prison brilliant right off the top of his head slam dunk yes homeward bound that is 1 point for us kiss my knee directly into the net three men and a little lady climb onto my back if there is a penalty kick just say one of these things: penalty kick that has got to be a penalty kick yes i hope that he doesnt let his family and his country down again like last year say one of these things if people around you think that it is a free kick: it is a free kick nice outfit ref it is a shame about your decision making what is wrong referee is your throat flute poisoned or something just have a blow on it for once in your life if there is a throw in try and stay completely calm and say one of these things: it is a throw in good throw in did you see that throw in just then that is the type of throw in that i like to see he knows how to handle a ball with his hands that is for sure when a player goes offside roll your eyes and say: get back on the pitch what are you doing here are some things for you to wear to help you blend in more easily if you are watching the world cup awards at a pub or at your friends house: sellotape a football flag around your face for a instant football effect sew a traditional world cup sausage down the middle of your nose so people will think you are the most world cup one of them all when they are having a look at your face glue some golden glitter beads on to your chin to make your chin look like it is the main part of the world cup award if you are a dad then why not impress your children and their friends by having a wear of a stylish dads football style crop top that will definitely get you noticed for all of the right reasons dads can also have a wear of some traditional world cup leggings as well that are sure to finish off any outfit trust me mens football friendship bracelets dont just look good but they are also a good thing to show off and discuss with other men if you are at a pub or a football themed restaurant if you run out of football things to say then dont worry just try and stay calm and roll your trousers up around your thighs and slap your legs together and say your own name over and over again because this will give a illusion that you know exactly what is happening in the football match and it will also help to calm yourself down if you are having a panic attack or some sort of fit. erm........ Maybe it is not that funny
