Article: Can you please buy... | Football, Newcastle

Dear Mr Ashley ,

Now that the £35 million from AC has accumilated a healthy bit of interest over the past 6months and you have made a bit more money can you please spend some of it on;

Aly Cisskho
Nedum Onuah
Jermain Defoe/Roman Pavlyuchenko


And if you have a burining desire to spend some more cash;

Daniel Sturridge
Scott Dann

This will do,

Thanks

 

Dear DimiNUFC,

As you know, I'm a successful businessman and I didn't get to become a success by listening to other people telling me what to do. I am my own man and as such I tell Derek and Alan what I want.

You'll notice that I've been buying a lot of French recently. It was my recommendation to Graham Carr because French players might be like fine French wine or cheeses where they improve with age.

They do say you can't improve plonk but I beg to differ as it's quite simple.

You buy some basic Chateaux du Chat et Chien and lay it down for a few weeks in a shipping container to the Far East where young children work 19 hours a day for 50p to replace the labels with a new vineyard called Chateaux de Dis Count. The label even has a picture on it and the writing is all in French and no-one really knows what the hell they are buying anyway.

Ship it back to the UK to sell at three times the price you bought it for including the 25% discount.

I've bought you a new keeper as well and we think he'll do fine for us if needed.

So, ignore those silly thoughts of Aly Cisskho and look forward to the likes of Alain Du Cesspit and his ilk.

Don't forget that Chateaux de Dis Count is in a supermarket near you and the 25% off offer won't last forever (unless I don't sell it).

Your buddies,

Mike and the gang.

 

sorry but the interst rates are ****e and have been for some time - in fact it would cost more to administer the £35million than what you would get from the interest

 

Dear DimiNUFC,

Are you aware just how much this Geordie adventure is costing me? I lie in bed every night praying for rain thinking I need to sell 20,000 umbrellas a week at my shops just to pay Alan Smith's wages alone. Then I need to sell 15,000 footballs made in China a week to pay off the Xisco fiasco. I'm sorry but I tried being everyone's friend in Newcastle; I even wore an XL TOON top......jeez, even bought people drinks in some ****hole called the Bigg Market.

Do you read the newspapers? There is a recession and some hip-hop types are even rioting in the streets...........we all need to tighten our belts accordingly.

So we will continue to assemble the French U21 team in secret and then take on the EPL with a much reduced wage bill which will make me very happy.

Regards,

Mike ( a Spurs fan till some bloke who ran a shopping mall sold me his shares behind his partners back).

 

News today is that we'll be announcing the signing of Rob Elliot.
Must mean that Harps is injured, although I would have thought that we would have gone for a better goalkeeper. I think he was just the cheapest going.

We need Cissokho and any striker I don't care now xD

 

he said the word 'buy' in a serious context...

 

Maybe he thought he was re-signing Robbie Elliott

 

This

 

Better RB than Simpson...

 

he has answered your prayers and bought a



































































goalkeeper

 

It would definitely not cost more to administer the £35m! He will be making a tidy profit on that dont you worry!

 

Dear Mike and 'the gang'

Thanks for your reply. I must admit that I was totally unaware of your knowledge of foreign languages, credit where credit is due.

I will ignore my silly thought and apologise profusely for bothering you with my wild fantasy's. You are right , you are a successful business man and I should know better.

I am on the way to buy Chateaux de Dis Count as we speak 25% off is an offer too good to refuse. Speaking of offers to good to refuse and I have heard that Ally Cisskho is available for around £7 million, I think you should buy him let him play well for 1-2 years and sell him to Liverpool in the region of £25 million. I also think we could get one of the strikers from Spurs with your contacts (as you are a spurs fan), see how he does for a year and when he scores 15+ goals Liverpool will buy him for £20million. I believe this will further increase your personal wealth and wouldn't benefit the club so should be right up your street. And who knows the team may even reach the top half of the table which will result in you receiving more money, as you see all my ideas lead to you earning more money.

I hope my ideas are of relevance to you,

Kind Regards,


DimiNUFC

 

lol you reckon Ashley cant get a good interest rate..... dream on