Since it's you I reckon we're safe to say anything goes on here... Fella walks past a Pakistani shagging a goat and shouted, "****ing Islam". To which he replied, "No... is goat".
Don't know if I have posted this before but here is one for the ladies; After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going?' inquired God. 'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain..' And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'. 'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.' And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. ' Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?' 'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.' God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see...where did I put that useless Tit?'
I don't get all this genetically modified sheep mularkey, like insemination and planting DNA ...wtf, the Welsh and the Mags have been doing that for yonks
I hear that new bus that runs on human poo was involved in an accident. Police are investigating the skid marks.
A wealthy Arab becomes ill with a rare genetic condition. He needs a blood transfusion and after an exhaustive search there is only one possible donor, a Scottish man from a little village in the highlands. They manage to contact him and he agrees to give blood to save the Arab’s life. The day after the procedure the Scottish man opens his curtains to find two new Bentleys on his drive, the postman arrives and gives the man a parcel and a letter. In the parcel is a diamond ring for his wife and the letter is an effusive thank you note and a cheque for £500,000. A month later the scottish man is contacted again, asking for a further blood transfusion and again the man agrees. The next day the postman delivers a parcel and a letter. In the parcel is a box of Quality Street sweets and the letter is a bargain Thank You card. The man rings the Arab and rants at him 'What's this ****e you've got me? Last time ye got me a couple Bentleys, a big ring for the lassie and half a million poonds!'. The Arab replies 'Aye, but I've got Scottish blood in my veins now!'
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
Job interview: - "What would you say is your greatest weakness?" - "Honesty" - "I don't think honesty is a weakness" - "I don't give a **** what you think"
