How many Alzheimer"s patients does it take to change a lightbulb?To get to the other side. Doctor: It"s bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer"s. Patient: Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don"t have cancer. Roses are red,Violets are blue,I"ve got Alzheimer"s,This little piggy went to market. This years Alzheimer"s Society annual fair will be a day to remember. Do you want to join the Alzheimer"s protest march? If so, learn the chant..."What do we want?" "I don"t know!" "When do we want it?" "Want what?" I thought I was getting Alzheimer"s until I found out that every time I fell asleep my wife was moving the bookmark forward 20 pages.Still I got her back by making her think she"s incontinent. Every time she falls asleep I piss on her lap. I went to the doctors today.Turns out i have Chicken Pox and Alzheimer"s.But thats not all, I also have chicken pox The well known phrase, "I" before "E" except after "C" usually applies, except in "Alzheimer"s"...What happened, did they forget? They say laughter is the best medicine.My grandad has Alzheimer"s and we"ve been laughing at him for years and he hasn"t got any better. Whats the worst thing about being told you have Alzheimers? it doesn't just happen the once A comedian did a turn at the Alzheimers annual party. he told the same joke a hundred times. Afterwards the chairman thanked him and said, "They were great jokes, I don't know how you remember them all." Two elderly couples chatting. One of the men says: "We went to a great restaurant last night." "What's it called?" asked his pal. He racks his brain, then he says: "What's that red flower you give to someone you love?" "A rose," his mate says. "Rose," calls the man, "what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember
In 2011 my Mum was deemed 'frail and elderly' so, after eight months of failed attempts to look after her myself (only brat), I had to find a care home for her. During my visits to some Council and private establishments I picked up a booklet which detailed twenty or so behaviours I should look for if I thought my elderly relative may be suffering from Dementia. My Mum 'hit' about twelve of these on the nose and could also fall into another five or six. The booklet stated that one of the behaviours I should look out for was a period of twelve weeks or thereabouts when the sufferer would use really bad language at all times. This language would even by directed at individuals attempting to help my Mum. I cannot remember when exactly this kicked in with Flo however it did cover the days surrounding her move into a BUPA nursing and care home. The staff at Victoria Manor in Albert Street, Leith were f****n' brilliant and just humoured my Mum when being called c***ts and f***ers. The booklet was correct and this spell of amusement (for me) ran its course and Flo soon returned to her usual (fairly) pleasant self. The reason I have related this experience is that my Mum caught the night train to Munchen almost exactly one year ago and this is one of the few distinct memories I have of her final years. To tell you the truth the twelve weeks of Flo's wild and extreme cursing was a f****n' scream!
How do you find out if your burd has Alzheimer's or Aids? Dump her in a forest, if she makes it home don't shag her.
