Absolutely mental tactics

The aim of the game is to come up with the most mental and unbelievably unlikely footballing tactics to try and win or draw games. The only rules are that it has to be physically possible, and it has to avoid going against any of the rules (offsides, fouls etc).

People are also free to put forward ideas for critique if they aren't sure whether it would be allowed or not, or whether the opposition could do something to counter it.

Here's my first idea:

One player gets the ball and keeps it very close, whilst the other 9 outfield players link arms and basically form a giant circle around him. The player in the middle then slowly dribbles the ball whilst the circle of linked players shuffle along with him. They then keep shuffling until the circle virtually crosses the goal line, where the player in the middle can then shoot without any obstruction.

 

Similar to the flying duck or flying V from mighty ducks. I like it

 

I always wondered why clubs that were parking the bus didn't just stick all 10 players on the goal-line, and got the keeper to stand in front.

As for winning, get one player to mark the linesman and block his view of everything.

 

Would the ref call that for obstruction though?

Another mental tactic though, would be to grab a goal quickly,and then pile everybody up on the goal line so the other team literally can't score.

 

This is brilliant

 

8 center backs and 2 big lunks upfront. long ball all day.

 

5 men on the goal line.

1 Goal Keeper standing a yard in front of the 5.

The rest of the team constantly closing down the opposition. The aim of the game being to allow them to have as few shots on target as possible as you know that when they do you always have a good chance of stopping it.

 

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The strangest thread idea I've ever seen but this could be hilarious!

 

Works for me.

To grind out draws in every single game, sign 11 players the exact height of the goal and just get them to stand on the goal line for the whole match. Extreme example of 'parking the bus'. Block the whole goal.

 

Each player takes a dump at a strategic position in the box to intimidate oncoming players, would you want to run through feces? I sure wouldn't.

 

Would work if the lone striker was Demba

 

Arrange a human pyramid of about 5 players on the edge of the 6 yard box, whilst the other 5 outfield players frantically defend and play hoof ball simultaneously

 

Each player to take a handful of Viagra and then dribble with massive hard ons. No one would want to get too close...

 

That's not mental, that's just what Sam Allardyce does every ga-
Oh.

 

I like how one bloke sort of plugs up the remaining gap at the top like a lifeless plank of wood.

An alternative to this would be to buy all of the tallest players in the world and line them all up. Zigic, Crouch and so on.

 

Shall I call Pardew or will you?

 

Clearly you've been on the phone to Pulis.

 

When you score and take the lead, get the ball after the k/o and just get someone to lie on it for the rest of the game. Think of a penguin protecting their egg, similar to that.

 

One player does a kick up, catches the ball in his shirt, then holds his shirt tight to keep the ball in place, runs the legth of the pitch and into the net, goal everytime.