A Play for Our Times

Scene 1: Little Jimmy, his best mate, and Jimmy’s Dad are in the kitchen, in a small house somewhere in the Leeds area. The year is: 2013/14/15/16/17/18, you choose.
Dad: Get yourselves ready, you two, its Saturday and its about time you learned about your heritage. We’re off to Elland Road, home of one of the top clubs in England.
Jimmy (excitedly): Wow, Dad. Will we be playing Manchester United or Arsenal?
Dad: erm………… Peterborough actually……………. But they are managed by Fergies’ son, its nearly as good
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Scene 2: a row of otherwise deserted seats
Jimmy: Dad? Whats all those blue things everywhere?
Dad (looking ruefully at his wallet): they are the seats where people have not turned up………yet………….. I expect people arrive a bit later than…….erm…. in the old days.
………………………………………………………………………………………

Scene 3: a row of still deserted seats
Little Jimmy (pointing at fat bloke in white shirt with a red face, puffing hard): “Dad, is that one Snoddy? Which ones Howson? Is that big one Bekkio?”
Dad: ………..erm…………………….
Jimmy’s friend: that one playing over there (points towards left hand side of pitch) isn’t very good at defending, is he?
Dad: that’s the left back… well, áctually he’s a midfielder, or a centreback, or perhaps he’s the goalie, I am a bit out of touch. Anyway…. He’s not supposed to be any good, :Leeds have a tradition of giving the other team a chance by not playing a left back
Jimmy: is that why we’re losing Dad? To give them a chance?
Jimmys friend: the other team are cheating, they won’t share the ball with us
Jimmy: why are we shooting from so far away, Dad?
Dad: we are not shooting, we are passing up to our big front man. Its called route one football, its very scientific
Jimmy (pointing at man 8 seats away): that man called it hoofball, Dad, is that the same as sigh-tiff-ic?

Dad: just watch the game, boys.
Jimmys friend: is it half time yet?
Jimmy: can’t be, most of the crowd have still not turned up (points at the sea of blue seats around the whole ground)
……………………………………………………………………………………………
Scene 4: on a bus going home
Jimmy: Dad, can we go into town now and get that new computer game?
Dad (looking ruefully at wallet): maybe next week… or next month Jimmy. Anyway, you’ve got a new interest now, havn’t you? Following the Mighty Whites.
(silence)
Jimmy’s friend: my Dad is taking me to watch Leeds Rhinos, its really exciting. You can come if you want Jimmy
Silence as Jimmy looks at the back of the man opposite’s newspaper
Jimmy (still looking at back page of paper, which clearly says “City win in 7 goal thriller, Tevez bicycle kick the clincher”): Dad, how long does it take to drive to Manchester?
…………………………………………………………………………………
The End (probably)

 

Absolutely brilliant

 

Full marks, I needed a laugh