I'm about to take part in the Great Lakemba Run. It's not an official race - I just stand in the city centre and shout, "Allah is a bastard", and then off we go.... A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Oz just so that they can see their own doctor. I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently, " A meal for two with a hairy view", is not the way to call No 69. I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex. Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them - they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and, to my horror, we had six matching balls! A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The instructors at Picton said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.
My wife called me upstairs to the bedroom earlier, "Look what I've found in the cupboard, crotchless panties," she said as she seductively modelled them..... I didn't have the heart to tell the fat **** it was one of my vests An Indian man was arrested for beating his wife up today, Chinda Gudunproppa said he is innocent! After landing at Newcastle Airport the captain forgets to turn off the intercom! The co-pilot asks "Wot ya deein later mate?" The pilot replies, "first thing al dee is gan for a ****e! then al shag the arse off that blond stewardess. The Stewardess hears this & runs to the cockpit to confront him, on the way she trips over an old womans foot who helps her back up and says ''Tack ya time pet, he's gannin for a ****e first..! The missus left a note on the telly for me ' It's not working , I'm leaving ' . I plugged it in, turned it on, ****ing nothing wrong with it ....
Stunt motor cyclist Evil Kneivel's son was at the Air Show at the weekend attempting to jump over 200 muslims with a double decker bus.
Got the results of Cheryl Cole's smear test here...... And just as I thought, it tastes ****ing delicious!
Happy & Sad: A husband and wife were sitting watching TV, when he turned to his wife and said... "Babe, tell me something that will make me Happy and Sad all at the same time." ... She said ... "You've got the biggest cock out of all your mates. I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blowjobs and smoking weed. She was known as oral high Jean. Paddy wife has never had an orgasm so the docs suggests the wife is over heating during sex. So Paddy gets his mate round to waft a towel on them duringsex. After 20 minutes of wafting, still no orgasm so his friend suggests a swap. I'll shag her & you waft the towel'. within seconds Paddy's wife is screaming in pleasure & has the best orgasm ever. Paddy turns to his friend slowly & says... 'and that my old son is how you waft a ****ing towel'. I was lying in bed last night when I heard my son and his girlfriend having sex in the next room.The banging of the headboard got a bit out of hand in the end. So my son came in and asked me to stop masturbating. Just passed through Byker and saw banner on a house window "happy 30th birthday nana "
I was at an S&M party with my cock in this woman's arse when I realised I'd forgotten my toys just as she moaned, "Aren't you going to spank me?" I thought to myself, "For ****s sake, I'm up **** creek without a paddle."
What’s the difference between jam & marmalade? you cant marmalade ya cock up your lasses arse can ya
