Two blokes (Irish and English) are playing golf. The English guy is getting ready to tee off and suddenly starts talking to his thumb. Irish bloke says: "What you doing?" "Oh, don't worry, with micro technology I have a Microphone in my thumb. I was just recording a message." The 2 men carry on golfing, but all of a sudden the Irish man makes a funny sound, that amazingly sounds like a fart. The English man looks over at him. 'Oh,' says the Irish man. "Don't worry, I'm just receiving a fax." ----------------------------------------------------------- What would you call the definition of surprise? Answer: A fart with a lump in it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely **** my pants then..." ----------------------------------------------------------- A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tomorrow. But not just gassy airy farts, I'm talking mega greasy wet ones, the kind that would make your dog puke. The wife, understandably is angry as ****, and says: "one day Honey, you are gonna fart your guts out." The next Sunday, as wife is preparing Turkey for Sunday lunch, Hubbie falls asleep. The wife spies an opportunity to get her own back, so she takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. She then went back to cooking the turkey. Later on that night, her husband came to the dinner table looking very frightened. "What happened?" asked his wife. "Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out." "What did you do?" asked his wife. "Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"
